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  -Suiko4 Main
  -Part 1 :: [02.17.05]
  -Part 2 :: [10.19.05]
  -Part 3 :: [02.17.06]
  -Part 4 :: [05.20.12]
  -Part 5 :: [06.04.13]
  -Part 6 :: [09.27.14]
  -Part 7 :: [09.27.14]

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"These are the clunkiest, ugliest-ass boots Twink has ever laid eyes on. Even he has a little too much taste to be wearing these monstrosities. And this is the kid with the pink-yellow-and-blue butterfly pendants, the golden Mardi Gras mask, and the leprechaun-green condom-shaped hat."
     -Sam, Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker Part 9

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Suikoden IV : Part 2
By Sam
Posted 10.19.05
Pg. 1 : 2 : 3 : 4 : 5 : 6
It should be noted that Slowe was already in the room when Marvy got there. Scruffy could have smacked him around and yelled at him and all that other fun stuff before Marvy arrived, thereby saving Slowe from at least a little humiliation, but he chose to wait. Hee. I love Scruffy.

'Maybe you could handle that, Marvy.'

Slowe is waiting for Marvy outside Scruffy's bedroom. He has that "We need to talk" look on his face too, which is never a good thing. "I stood my ground," he snots, "yet, once again..., they give you the credit...!" And when Slowe gets upset, his punctuation gets all out of whack. "It's not fair," he goes on. "He still treats me like I was a trainee!" It would probably do Slowe good to remember here that he was given a captainship long, long before he actually earned such a position, and therefore the expectations upon him are higher. He should also remember to keep a nice wedge of cheddar with him at all times to accompany that whine.

Once again, though, Slowe realizes about half a second too late that he may have said some things to poor Marvy that weren't fair. "...I-I'm sorry..." he says to Marvy for the hundredth time. "Would you please forget everything I just said?... I'm...I'm a little confused..." I am too. An ellipsis after a question mark? The hell is that shit? Slowe shuffles away before Marvy can see the tears in his eyes. It'd be much easier to feel bad for Slowe if we didn't know he was bringing all of it on himself.

Following this intense confrontation, Marvy is so emotionally exhausted that he falls right into bed. Alone. Woe! When he wakes up five seconds later, the Night-Night music indicating the full and rested eight hours he got, Funghi yells for him to come fetch Scruffy's dinner again. I guess these scenes featuring Marvy bringing Scruffy his food are supposed to show the built-up trust between orphan and commander, but there are only several hundred people who should have this chore right now besides Marvy. Like he doesn't have enough to deal with, what with being the Hero of Razril and dealing with a relationship that's circling the drain.

Marvy, armed with Scruffy's sammich, approaches the commander's bedroom door. Katarina says from inside that he needs to wait a moment, but Scruffy interrupts and says it's all right if Marvy hears their discussion too. After Marvy has entered, we see Slowe in the hallway, fists clenched rigidly at his sides. "What the...?" he says. "What are they talking about? Why does Marvy get to..." I wouldn't be surprised if Slowe is throwing a full, pounding-fists-on-the-floor crying tantrum when Marvy re-enters the hall.

As Scruffy eats his special stew, Katarina shares some new info on the pirates. Apparently they were someone's hired guns, and they weren't from around here, either. Wow, great detective work, Katarina. Now we know exactly what to do about them. "...So, Commander, how are you feeling?" Katarina finishes, because she literally cannot stop herself from mothering him. Scruffy glares at her for a moment, no doubt thinking the same thing, but he reassures her. "Don't worry... It seems I'm needed in battle after all... I'll recover quickly to that end." Katarina starts picking up Scruffy's tray as he muses that the Gaien Knights are being poked with the proverbial stick. Katarina isn't really interested, and suggests that he rest since there's nothing going on right now.

See, a straight guy wouldn't be complaining about this.

Scruffy jokes that Katarina's kept him confined to bed for days now, which gets her hackles up. "Please, Commander... You realize that I'm only concerned for your health..." God, she's so oversensitive. He was joking, girl. Chill out, he's not going to leave you.

All three of them hear some noise from outside, and then something shakes the entire room. Katarina and Marvy look out the windows to see a whopping eight ships attacking Razril port, one of them Dario's bumper boat. Seeing him leading the charge is not exactly intimidating, but he does have seven ships with him, so I guess that's not really a problem right now.

Katarina flails around uselessly. "What?! An attack...!? How could this be?!" She goes on that "the report didn't say anything about this..." See, Katarina, people do these things called "surprise attacks." If successful, they are executed in such a manner that the people being attacked do not anticipate it. Isn't it funny how that works?

Somewhere on the roof of the Knights' Hall, we see Ramada's gay bird, Mrs. Ditherington, with what we can assume is a dead nasel bird in its beak. Several other nasel bird corpses are strewn around the ground. Mrs. Ditherington lets out a shriek, probably to let its master know that its end of the surprise attack has gone over well. I hope Katarina is taking notes on this.

Back in Scruffy's bedroom, Scruffy is all, "Yup, got the nasel birds, that's using the ol' noodle." But he spins it into a positive, saying they'll hopefully figure out who their enemies are now. Katarina, in full-on despair, is looking at her hands like she just murdered someone. Yes, she has just realized that her slip-up in front of Ramada regarding the nasel birds has doomed them all. Of course, they don't know it's Ramada yet. We do, but that's not the point. Okay, so there isn't really a point. But Katarina looks like she wants to fall upon her sword right now. One stupid verbal slip and she's wallowing in shame, but Slowe can still strut around like cock of the walk after all the stupid shit he's done? Goes to show, folks: it's all a matter of confidence.

Scruffy basically tells Katarina to get over it and dismisses her to ready the troops. Katarina and Marvy get ready to run out the door, but when the cut-scene segues to me being back in control, Katarina is standing next to Scruffy, not going anywhere. She just says "Quickly!" when Marvy talks to her. Seriously, they should just make Marvy the commander. He does everything these days.

Oh, wait, the game designers just needed a way to get Marvy out of the room so there could be one more cut-scene with Scruffy and Katarina alone. "I have a favor to ask," he says to her. "Do not allow anyone to enter the Hall for the time being. Do you understand?" When Katarina objects, he says "It's an order," so the military chip in her brain starts to lead her bodily out of the room. Of course, the mother hen chip in her brain is conflicting with the military chip, so she stops to make one more plea for Scruffy to be careful or something. "You have your orders! Now, go!!" he barks. She jumps back like he slapped her. She seems like such an ice queen around everyone else, but she's a shrinking violet with Scruffy. Yeah, there's nothing going on here. Just normal commander-XO stuff.

Alone, Scruffy looks all forlorn-but-determined, and the Music of Impending Tragedy is in full force. Gee, I wonder what he's going to do.

In the hall outside, BlowjobFace!Slowe runs into Marvy. "I-It looks like there's big trouble outside! I came to inform the Commander about it..." Marvy feels awkward even talking to Slowe right now, but he's saved by Katarina, who enters the hall to issue orders. Slowe and Marvy run off to gather the troops, and Katarina silently watches them go, clearly asking herself how Slowe is going to fuck them over this time around.

Nice hat.

Katarina addresses the assembled Knights of Gaien and tells them to use "whatever means necessary" to clobber the pirates. "One last thing: I have an order from the Commander. Until further notice, you are not to come near the Hall for any reason! That is his strict order! Now, hurry!!" The knights run off to do their thing, leaving Marvy, Keneth, Paula and Katarina behind. Those three join Marvy in battle. "Yay, a high-level asskicker!" I say to myself. "Look out, butt pirates!"

Of course, it would help if Katarina were at a high level, or if she could kick ass. Granted, she does have a couple of runes, and those are nice, but she is all of level 11, only a level or so higher than Marvy. And this is the vice-commander of the Gaien Knights? Has she gone into negative levels after being Scruffy's maid for all this time?

After a few forced battles with the invading pirates, we cut to Scruffy, watching the battle from his bedroom window. He notices his rune glowing, desperate for carnage or something, and grunts in a noncommittal fashion. Intrigue!

Meanwhile, Keneth is grousing to his fellow party members that they're not going to stop the pirates on land--they need to stop them before they get off their ships. Katarina tells him to stop bitching and get back to work. Hee. But then, some random knight announces that they're being fired upon. For being a suspenseful battle for the future of the Gaien Knights, this is awfully boring. But I'm one of those nutters that prefers action to a lot of talking (particularly when I have to recount all of it like this).

Hall rooftop. Scruffy watches as the ships move ever closer to his territory. Then he raises his rune hand, like he's done this a million times before, and allows the rune's power to create another impossibly large sphere of death, fire and destruction. The Gaien Knights, important and non-noteworthy alike, stop fighting and stare as the blast destroys just about every ship in the fleet. Conveniently, Important Person Dario is not within the scope of the blast, so we get to see his comrades incinerated from his point of view. He gives the order to retreat--no quips about his cowardice this time. Who wouldn't retreat after that?

The Gaien Knights are all so stunned by what they just witnessed, they even forget to cheer in victory. As they all stare around, trying to find the source of whatever the hell that was, the game designers decide to create a little atmosphere and throw in some rain. What else makes sense after a runic death pyre than a little drizzle, after all?

No, really?

Katarina notices her underlings naturally looking toward the roof of the Knights' Hall, since that's where the blast came from, and nips that line of curiosity in the bud: "Everyone, listen to me! Do not enter the Hall! Do not pass Go!, do not collect $200! Our priority must be assisting the injured. Now, go!!" Marvy, the caring soul that he is, tries ever so hard to do as Katarina says and help the injured, but there just aren't that many injured people. There are quite a few dead people. And the two injured people have three people each attending to them. Well, a little peek in on Commander Scruffy can't hurt, can it?

As soon as Marvy goes up the stairs to the roof, we get a quick shot of Slowe spying on him around a corner. The way he's been acting, you'd think Scruffy and Marvy were having an affair. Hey, maybe they are. I'm so embarrassed--a whole new level of man-on-man subtext to exploit, and I've been missing it!

Scruffy and Marvy: doing it?
No, silly, Scruffy's doing Katarina. You know, his daughter.
As if. Marvy's way too whipped to get it on with another guy.
Sure, that sounds like an awesome pairing! By the way, I ship Harry/Sirius.
Yes! Let's get Chiepoo and Gunter together while we're at it. HOTT.


Marvy finds Scruffy on the roof, looking significantly the worse for wear. He's stumbling around and clutching the parapet like he's either dying or really, really drunk. He falls to his knees, ready to vomit, raindrops pattering on his back like the ambience is going out of style. Then he sees Marvy and grunts that he shouldn't be there right now. Right on cue, the rune decides that Scruffy is no longer a suitable host--that skinny young teenager over there looks much more virile. And the magickal parasite glues itself onto Marvy's left hand before you can shout "plot device." Scruffy totally gives Marvy this "Dumbass!" look before he falls over in advanced death throes.

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