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"At the very top of the path, the Helmaroc Queen has had enough of smashing wooden planks, and decides the best way to off Twink is to perch on the platform and lower its head so that it's within Twink's striking range. Freaking brilliant."
     -Sam, Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker Part 7

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Chrono Cross : Part 4
By Jeanne
Posted 02.02.03
Pg. 1 : 2 : 3
The harlequin introduces herself as Harle, which goes along with the apparent rule that all female harlequins must have a punnish name having to do with harlequins. "I am the right-hand harlequin to Monsieur Lynx," she also says. Lynx? Why, we've heard that name before! Something in this game actually makes the slightest bit of sense...except not really all that much. Harle insults Steve some more, and then tells them all to leave. Apparently this Lynx guy is a scary bastard, and Harle doesn't want anything bad to happen to Cronabe. She and Steve have a little verbal catfight some more, and then Harle leaves. But first, she blows a kiss to Cronabe, and tells him to dream of her. Lady, those are called "nightmares."

Cronabe flips the switch behind the appropriate pillar, causing the platform at the end of the hall to descend, almost crushing a couple of guard dragoons. It seems that they missed the blue-haired kid, his bitch, and his pink gay dog skulking about because they're all "Hey, what are you doing here!?" and then they attack. Cronabe and his two bitches dispatch of the trained fighters easily, and continue on their merry way. They ride the platform to the upper level, where there are more doors with eyes. Yay.

Just yours.

One of the doors leads to what looks like an office. Sitting on the desk is a glowy blue thing. At first, Steve thinks it's the Frozen Flame, but then she decides it's not for some reason. She intelligently decides to ask General Viper, as if that's a good idea. On cue, the general emerges from behind the secret bookcase door in the room. He's an old man, and not pretty at all, unfortunately. He doesn't seem that upset that they are there. Steve demands to know why General Viper sent his "men" to capture Cronabe, and the general pleads ignorance. It seems someone else is involved here, not that it was endlessly foreshadowed or anything. In fact, a big humanoid cat in clothing appears and says, "General, I believe these vermin are here to see me." Gee, could this be Lynx, aka the visitor from Porre? Why yes, it is.

The music gets all evil, in case a big evil-looking cat calling the main characters "vermin" isn't enough of a sign that this guy is shady. Also, he teleports, but into the same place where he was standing. Wow, that's a scary talent. It appears that not only does Steve know who he is, but she's also been trying to find him. Lynx recognizes her as well, but of course we don't find out why. Steve shrieks, "I've come for two things...The Frozen Flame and yer life, ya murderer!!!" Uh-oh, some shit is going to go down. Lynx announces that Steve is one of the Radical Dreamers, and General Viper is surprised. Really, why are people so scared of some group called the "Radical Dreamers"? It's like being afraid of the Flower General from Suikoden. Lynx tells the general that Steve is "quite ferocious," which makes Steve respond "My arse...!" What, her ass is ferocious?

Lynx decides to inform Steve that the Frozen Flame is in the Sea of Eden, "the place where past and future collide..." I wonder if we'll be taking a little trip there sometime soon. Now that Steve knows that the first item on her agenda is out of reach for the moment, she decides to focus on the second. But as she runs at Lynx, he teleports through her and ends up about two feet away, in front of Cronabe. Steve just stands there and watches as Lynx attacks her "friends." Thanks, Steve.

The battle transforms the small room into a huge battle arena. Although Lynx has a Big Evil Scythe of Death, he is still no match for our favorite trio of weirdoes. Unfortunately, that's because the Lynx they just fought wasn't the real Lynx. Wow, that's never been done before. After the battle, "Lynx" turns into a purple cat with flames on its head and tail. And here I thought the really drug-induced shit was over. The real Lynx (I think) appears, and asks Cronabe if what he wants in this world is to erase his death. If it were me, I wouldn't really care, and would just want to get away from the scary cat man and go home. But this is a video game, so therefore this philosophical question is answered by a trippy FMV.

The blue thing on the table starts glowing, and we get to see a close-up on Cronabe's face for about twenty minutes. He morphs into Lynx for about a second, and then some building on an island blows up. Next, Cronabe is across from what is presumably the real Frozen Flame while blue magicky things swirl around him. When we return to regular gameplay mode, Cronabe is bent over like he's expecting to take it in the ass from Lynx, staring at the blue glowy thing. Lynx reads the script and sees that he's supposed to make a really Profound-Sounding Statement That Makes No Sense. "Listen to me...The end of the human world is nigh! When this time comes, [Cronabe], there shall be a deep enmity between you and the world! This is not speculation or prediction...This is history!" Okaaay.

At that point, two more purple flame cats appear, and Lynx tells Cronabe and pals that they can't escape, and that he has a burning question to ask them. We never find out what it is, because at that point Riddel enters her daddy's office. "Daddy! About that voyage I have been planning..." she whines. Steve wastes no time. She takes Riddel as her hostage, and threatens to kill her if Lynx tries anything. I'm sure Lynx cares a whole lot whether this chick lives or dies. General Viper is rather pissed, though, and basically calls them a bunch of dirty buttholes. "Our lives are at stake here! There ain't nothing dirty about savin' yer own life...!" Steve informs him. She quietly (I'm guessing) tells Riddel that she won't hurt her. Aw, isn't that sweet?

Well, yes.

Cronabe, Biotch, Gandy, and Steve leave the office. Viper follows them, and reiterates that they can't escape. Karsh and a couple of dragoons block the path back down to the entrance, as if that's much of a challenge. Still, Steve opts to go up the stairs, wherever they may lead. General Viper, Lynx, Karsh, and the random dragoons follow slowly. The stairs turn out to lead to a dead end balcony over the ocean. We know it's over the ocean because the game designers put in wave sound effects. The three non-random guys block Cronabe and the others at the dead end. Viper tries to work out a deal with them, as long as they release Riddel, but Steve doesn't trust him. As she looks over the edge, Lynx takes out a blade and throws it at her. Cronabe tries to warn her, but he's totally useless. I can't quite tell where the blade hits her, but she staggers to the edge of the balcony and jumps. Lynx spouts some more philosophical question bullshit at Cronabe, and then says, "I've been waiting for you, [Cronabe]...Waiting a long, long time for you..." Cronabe is scared of the Pedophilic Cat Man. Lynx then calls Cronabe "The Assassin of Time...THE CHRONO TRIGGER!!!" and lunges at him creepily. Cronabe opts to jump to his doom instead of getting mauled in the butt by a demi-human. I'd have to commend him on his choice.


The last shot of the recap is the water below, where our three favorite heroes land. You'll note that Cronabe and the others broke into the mansion with Frank's help, but never let the poor transvestite tag along. So that whole side plot regarding his sister in the mansion was completely pointless. But thanks for your help, Frank.

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