Videogame Recaps
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  -Suiko4 Main
  -Part 1 :: [02.17.05]
  -Part 2 :: [10.19.05]
  -Part 3 :: [02.17.06]
  -Part 4 :: [05.20.12]
  -Part 5 :: [06.04.13]
  -Part 6 :: [09.27.14]
  -Part 7 :: [09.27.14]

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"Bitch gets his revenge by sneaking upstairs and stealing a gun. Which doesn't do me any good, as I have no party members that can equip it yet. Seriously, no one in my party can use a fucking gun. It also makes a ton of sense that I can pick this weapon up now, but I couldn't get the megaphone in the Shinra building. Assholes."
     -Jeanne, Final Fantasy VII Part 6

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Part 1


"Dear Abby..."
I think I'm having relationship problems. My boyfriend seems like the perfect man--he's handsome, wealthy, and sensitive. But sometimes he acts like he thinks he's better than me! One moment he'll be cooing sweet nothings into my ear, and the next he'll be ordering me around like I'm his servant! I'm starting to think he doesn't care about me as much as I care about him. Also, he's a bit on the stupid and annoying side. What should I do?
~ Reluctant in Razril More »

Part 2


"Putting the ex in exile."
In this action-packed, butt-pirate-filled recap, the Marvy/Slowe 'ship goes from adorable boylove romp to trainwreck-like dramarama faster than you can shout "MY ARM!!!" The death and carnage caused by the newly introduced Rune of Punishment will seem like a parade of fluffy bunnies through a spring meadow after you watch our male leads set the bar for ugly breakups a notch or five higher. And if that's not enough for you: ninjas and she-males!!! More »

Part 3


"The Open Boat: a Suikoden IV production"
As if being exiled from Razril and losing his man weren't bad enough, Marvy's also exiled and single with some of the lamest lamers ever to be lame. Worse still, when the gang discovers a deserted tropical paradise, the only sentient living thing Marvy finds is a slutty blonde mermaid who sounds like Shion. Awesome. More »

Part 4


In this entirely too long visit to the Island Nations, Marvy finally meets people who do not want to set him adrift, and even want him to do pointless work for them. In that vein, he meets a buttload of Profile People and begs them to live with him in a cave. He also "learns" about the Rune of Punishment, so long as hearing information he already had counts as learning. More »

Part 5


The action on the high seas heats up as--just kidding, this game is still boring as hell. But Marvy does meet a group of sexy pirates (including a confusing sexy lady pirate), learn more about the history of his Murderous Asshole Rune, and become even more embroiled in the conflict between the Island Nations and Kooluk. Finally, Lido reveals that they’ve been camping out on a giant boat all along, and way too many people are surprised by this news. More »

Part 6


"What's long, hard, and full of seamen?"
At long last, Marvy has realized his dream of being the captain of some cranky old bum's warship, and he intends to use his new vessel to the fullest, meaning to pick up hot dudes. His mission is met with, shall we say, limited success. He needs some kind of cash-for-clunkers program where he gets David Beckhams in exchange for mermaids. More »

Part 7


"Everybody hates Slowe."
After six recaps of having the world shit in his mouth, Marvy finally gets a little comeuppance. First, he finds out Katarina is dying, or close enough to it to celebrate, anyway; second, he gets to watch Slowe be set upon with flaming arrows and then gets to set him adrift; and finally, he beats up King Lido and usurps his royal authority at the direction of an alcoholic Silverberg. I'm sure everything will start sucking again soon. More »

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