[10.29.04]

"The M-M-M-M-MAGIC!!! of Ritalin."
In the introductory hour we meet Twiggy, the easily depressed and near terminally clueless heroine of the first half of the game. So she doesn't perish due to her natural female inferiority, the game sends a couple of strapping men her way. Unfortunately for Twiggy, they're not much help, between their raging ADD and their raging lust for each other. Oh, what's a Mary Sue to do? More »

[01.29.05]

"Help us, Twiggy-Wan Kenobi, you're our only hope!"
Twiggy, Winona, and Edgar waste a lot of time in South Figayro. Then they meet up with Guile and waste a lot of time at the Rebel Hideout. Then they meet up with The Sunflowardly Lion and waste a lot of time sailing around on a tiny raft. Then they meet up with Urktros and waste a lot of time fighting him. Got a lot of time on your hands? Then meet up with me for Part 2 and we'll waste it together! More »

[03.22.05]

"Kefka's poison magic Koolaid!"
For whatever reason, when given the choice among a short quest with Twiggy and Edgar, a short quest with Winona, and a butt-ass long quest with Guile, I thought the Guile one sounded like a wholesome fun time. And, well, nothing says "fun" like homicidal clowns, asshole ninjas, gay Shakespearean bodyguards and ghost trains. Right? Right? More »

[09.21.06]

"Down, Down, Left."
Guile hits a roadblock in his quest to swim in every major body of water in the world when he washes ashore on the Veldt and winds up spends several months training a wild boy and mailing letters for a man with no name. Then Twiggy does some stuff, but it’s not very interesting. Blow me over with a feather, already. More »