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"Vyse heads down the single corridor, and after running in a straight line and fighting random battles for a while, he reaches more crap. Literally. There's another poo fall, thanks so much game designers, and I realize that this part of the sewer is a mirror image of the beginning part. Not that the game designers are lazy or anything."
     -Jeanne, Skies of Arcadia Part 4




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10.23.03 :: Getting to Know Us

The opinions in this letters column aren't necessarily those of Jeanne Rubbo, owner of videogamerecaps.com. Even so, Jeanne owns *us* and has locked us in a dark closet with Tidus and Rinoa until we think of something funny. HELP! In the meantime, send in your comments, queries, whining, flames, spam, opinions, facts, opinions that you think are facts, and general idiocy to mailbag@videogamerecaps.com

Welcome, dear readers to the first ever "Ask the Recappers" mailbag. Fortunately none of you asked us what our favorite pr0n film is or if we preferred thongs or briefs. (Don't even think about it, folks. Take your hands off those keyboards now. Thank you.) But we did have some thought-provoking, or at least provoking letters to answer from you Curious Georges out there. Let's see what burning questions the readers wanted answered, shall we?

'Lo, ladies. Been a while since I tried writing to the mailbag... let's see if I can actually think up some good questions to ask someone for once.

Here's the usual stuff: So, how 'bout them Dolphins?

...oh, wait, no, that's the wrong letter. Ahem.

What I meant to ask was - how're things musically? Anyone in particular you love to bits or loathe so much that you feel tempted to give them Tightass Treatment? (Hey, I bet there's someone else just as deserving as he is...) And do you perchance know where the hell Michael Jackson's nose went to? I'm starting to wonder about its mysterious disappearance - you didn't steal it, did you? (If you did, for the love of god, please say you wore contamination suits)

And - provided there's not a question limit or anything (those suck), any holidays in particular that are your (least?) favorites? Either of you the embodiment of Ebenezer Scroog(ette) or Santa? (And here I almost typed "Satan." I'm scared now)

And finally... do you feel fresh? Wait, wrong question again. Never mind.

~ Hot Springs Tamago

How 'bout them Dolphins? Oh, we're not getting into the football talk. We're just NOT. I have a 3-4 49ers record to curse and sputter over, mmmkay?

Musically: things are good. I guess. When I can carry all my favorite songs around with me without having to lug a million CDs around (i.e., I have an iPod), things are good. That goodness doesn't extend to the local radio stations. All we've got is KKDL (KK Def Leppard).

As for favorite bands/artists: Barenaked Ladies, Smashing Pumpkins, Utada Hikaru, Fleetwood Mac, Genesis, Journey, Garth Brooks, and of course all manner of anime and game music. Yes, I know I'm eccentric. Shut up.

Holidays: Thanksgiving is always good. Mmm, turkey.

-LC

Why, I'm feeling as fresh as a daisy, my dear. You? I find that a light spritz of vinegar and water can take care of anything, be it slight odor or getting dried fanboy blood off my favorite shirt. Halloween is my favorite holiday of all, I coerced--er, I mean convinced my dearly beloved husband that marrying me was a good idea and that was the day of our wedding those many years ago.

My favorite bands of all time are Elvis Costello and the Attractions, They Might Be Giants, R.E.M. and XTC. I'm also a huge Pink Floyd fan and I dream one day of murdering Avril Lavigne in inventive, sadistic ways, most likely involving a sk8 b0ard.

Michael Jackson's nose was stolen by pixies, by the way. Everyone knows that.

-AG

If you could be any kind of fish what kind of fish would you be?

(Haha! A question you can't answer with 'pre-pubescent gay man who can't get any'!)

--zero--

I would be a seahorse, because seahorses are pretty. They also don't get any.

-AG

One of those saltwater yellow ones with the little trumpet nose. Because it looks like a tiny penis, and I'm a tiny-penised gay man who can't get any.

(HA!)

-LC

Hail, bringers of sarcasm

This is my first contribution to the mailbag(In case that doesn't turn out to be obvious).

I had a couple of questions for you:

First i was wondering about your favorite anime series/Movies.

Second, what console is the best ever?

And third, do you like blood?

with eternal gratitude,

Billy Becker

Well, I have a couple answers. Well, more like three. But that's your fault.

- In no particular order. Series: Sailor Moon, Excel Saga, Cowboy Bebop, Fushigi Yuugi, Read or Die, Utena. Movies: Spirited Away, Perfect Blue, CB: Knockin' on Heaven's Door.

- I was really hoping no one would ask this. But: either the Playstation or the SNES.

- What the fuck kind of question is that?

-LC Billy,

1. Favorite anime series: Cowboy Bebop, followed by Trigun
Favorite anime movie: Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust

2. All consoles have their advantages and drawbacks, but I'll always have a special place in my heart for the Atari 2600 and the SNES.

3. Only other people's. You've been warned.

-AG

Hello this is my first time ever emailing you gals and in keeping with the topic of personal information I decided to ask you what you look like? NO! not like THAT! I'm not a creepy pervert or anything I dont want to know anything like measurements or cup sizes or any B.S. like that I'm just curious about your physical appearence THATS ALL! Here I'll give you an example of what I mean...

I am 6'2, of a pale complexion, very light blue almost grey eyes, black hair, etc. etc. You know things like that your facial features and such once again I must stress I am not a creepy pervert and do not wish for anything like measurements, cup sizes, length of legs, or anything of that nature. Now with that out of the way I hope you all have long happy lives :)

What do I look like? Well, I look like this. Next question, please.

-AG

I can answer with a link, too!

-LC

Yo

What's your favorite flavor of Mad Dog (MD 20/20)? I'm partial to grape myself.

Love,
Elmundo333, Nerd Buster

Grape? Oh, heavens my dear, Grape Mad Dog 20/20 is too full-bodied and exuberant for me. I prefer something a little lighter on my delicate palate, perhaps a lovely Apple, or if I'm feeling wild a Fruit Punch? And you should always keep your Mad Dog 20/20 cold in the galvanized bucket from your pantry. You can fill it with the remains of your beer ice, which adds a lovely bouquet to the fumes when you open the lovely screw-off cap. Only a total savage would drink their Mad Dog tepid.

-AG

Oh, quit trying to act like you're ghetto, cracker.

-LC

*Raises hand. Teacher acts like she doesn't see me. Waves hand harder*

Okay okay, I think I got a good one here. Please excuse my use of grammer, I am poor country folk.

Do you believe in Attention Deficet Disorder? I've talked to a lot of people who say that this 'disability' is serious, lifelong, and can only be treated with perscription drugs. Others say that this is only an excuse to pump kids full of mind-numbing pills so that they will quit acting like kids and start acting like tiny gelatious blobs.

I believe that it DOES exist, but only in certain individuals. I have SEEN some overactive kids who might like some sleepy-time tea once in a blue moon, but most of the kids who were put on ritalin or other drugs were simply behaving like normal children. ( I know this because I was a child not long ago at all) So i would very much like to know where you stand. I'm not going to use your answer to justify my own feelings, I would just like to know. Thanks for the time, you guys are doing a splendiforous job recapping and keeping me laughing. Never give up, Never surrender!

That Square Chick

P.S. Where do babies come from?

I believe it exists, but is seriously over-diagnosed, and that's all I'm really going to say on the subject.

Oh, and cabbage patches. Duh.

-LC

So you want to know where babies come from. Hmm? well, when a father and mother love each other very much and they want to show that love they?did you ever notice that most explainations on babies are full of shit? They never take into account the hormone-fueled teens driven to a moment's wild passion in the back seat of Mom and Dad's Camry and the inevitable two to six weeks of anxious waiting to see whether or not the union bore fruit. Speaking of fruit, I was making a banana sandwich and I realized just how often you start spelling "banana" and you can't stop. It's like Canada, which reminds me that I'd like to have a ginger ale to drink. Do you like ginger ale? I do! I like gin and tonics too. Maybe I'll have one of those! Tonic water is good for you. If you drink it, you won't get malaria. I hear it's good for the flu, too. I'd better drink two so I don't get malaria or the flu - er, you had a question, didn't you? About ADD babies or something? Oh! Lookit the butterfly! Well, it's naptime for me. Night-night!

-AG

Dear pubescent-gay-men-who-cant-get-any,

Hey there. Long time reader, first time writer.

Love the recaps, their very funny, especially the FFX and K.H. recaps. Keep 'em comin'!

Anyway, to the topic at hand- I dont really want to know (or care) about what you are like (much less your "personal statistics"), because i have my own freinds to remember about; even if many people here dont.

What i do want to know, however, is your personal favourite rpgs (in order) out of these--
1.Final fantasy X
2.Final fantasy VII
3.Final fantasy 8
4.Grandia 2
5.Kingdom Hearts

-cheers!
Nick-da-man (all the way over in England)

P.s. Dont mean to upset L.C. or anything but ive always preferred Final fantasy to the Suikoden series. He he. So there. *sticks tongue out*

Well, Nick-da-man, don't mean to upset you my duck, but as a long time reader, you should well know how I react when anyone insults my dear friend LC's Suikoden love. Oh, and I'd like to point out to you that contractions use an apostrophe, yes, even across the pond in Blighty. Why don't you nip up the apples and pears and have a butcher's at the OED the next time you're minded to dash off a note to your favourite agony aunts? You'll find the section on homonyms quite educational as well.

Also, I'd like to remind you that insulting the mailbag readers is our job. We like it, we do it well, and frankly, we're not often arrogant gobs about it. It's a lesson you might want to learn before too much longer.

P.S. If you have to ask me what my favorite game is from your list, you're quite off your trolley.

-AG

I suppose I can answer your little game food-chain query, though it seems highly pointless, given the "range" of games you've asked about:

1) FFX
2) Kingdom Hearts
3) FFVIII
4) FFVII
5) Grandia II

And, LIEK OMG, I am so sad to hear about your personal FF-over-Suikoden preference. Can you see my tears? Because they're just pouring, man. My intense, horrifying pain over this revelation makes me want to just DIE RIGHT NOW. Like, how could anyone like FF more than Suikoden?! I mean, it's not like Final Fantasy is a quality game series with high production values and millions of adoring fans! I'm going to boycott recapping and mailbagging until I get an email from every one of VGR's readers swearing on Hikusaak's name that they will NEVER speak ill of Suikoden in favor of Final Fantasy ever again. And it's all your fault! Look what you've done!

By the way, thanks for the bright red humongous font. If I weren't blinded by outraged fanperson tears right now, I would be blind anyway.

-LC


Well, on the whole, friends, the questions were fun and interesting. As usual, thanks for writing in!

For the next mailbag edition, we thought we'd dig into the new mailbag topic thread. And so, we'd like to hear about games you would like to see. Light up your crack pipes and stow away your storytelling skills, because it's your turn to be a game designer! Tell us what sort of games you'd like to see more of, gimmicks/mechanics you'd like to see implemented into new games, character types we haven't seen fifty million times before, whatever you'd like. Just keep it below X-rated and don't get into insane amounts of detail. Get your letters in by Friday, October 31 by 8:00 p.m. EST, s'il vous pla?t.

Until next time, readers!

- AG and Lita-chan

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