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"Twink encounters a couple of coffins in the next room. He's kind of hoping that they contain some sexy Anne Rice-style vampires, but he's dead wrong (GET IT?!?!). Instead, a couple of giggling flamer skulls pop out faster than Tara Reid's boob."
     -Jeanne, Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker Part 8




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04.03.03 :: Cry, cry, cry

The opinions in this letters column aren't necessarily those of Jeanne Rubbo, owner of videogamerecaps.com. Even so, Jeanne owns *us* and has locked us in a dark closet with Tidus and Rinoa until we think of something funny. HELP! In the meantime, send in your comments, queries, whining, flames, spam, opinions, facts, opinions that you think are facts, and general idiocy to mailbag@videogamerecaps.com

Settle in with your crying towels, folks, since this week we're tackling our reader's favorite tear-jerking game scenes. Our mailbag overflows with fab missives from all you out there who've ever snuffled into your ding-dong wrapper at an "unexpected" plot twist or death scene in the wide world of gaming. So without further ado, let's dig into the lovely letter goodness. Just so you know, like this isn't obvious, spoilers for many different games follow. Don't read on if you get "apoplectic" about such things, 'mkay?

...because Link is gay
Hmm, hm, hm.

Sad moments in video game history, eh?

Well, I can think of several.

One of them is in Final Fantasy X, when Tidus fades away, and Yuna runs to hug him, and falls through him. It's sad for many reasons. The first time I played through the game, before I started to get effing sick of Tidus' incessant whining, I thought it was sad because he was going away. It's all like..."Oh, just let her hug him goodbye, for the love of Christ!" And then, on like...the third replay, I thought it was sad that Yuna was going after him. Heh.

I didn't really thinking Auron fading away was all that sad. I'm sorry, AG, please don't kill me. Yes, I missed the stud. Yes, he is the hottest thing since molten lava, but seriously....after having to deal with Tidus' damned whining the entire game, the poor dear surely needed some quiet time. It was more of a reprieve than anything.

My best friend says that the ending of FF9 was pretty sad, but since I haven't played it all the way through yet, I have no idea what happens.

One thing that always got me was how Zelda and Link never hooked up, except in the old school The Adventure of Link. That made me sad. People who belong together but don't hook up always make me sad. Kind of like me and Billy Zane...you know? or Johnny Depp for that matter.

*drools*

Another one that hits me, is Suikoden 3. I think it's damned sad that the Karayans and the Lizards are getting oppressed. It really sucks playing the Zexen knights. They're such assholes. All the grasslanders want is to chill, and do their thing. But then again, Chris did kill Lulu...so maybe they aren't so bad after all...

Ruby-Doo

Ruby, All right, girl. First you dis my Handsome's heroic exit from Spira, then you try to steal Billy Zane, then you give away a part of Suikoden III that I haven't gotten to yet! (Not that it stops me from reading LC's recaps, mind you.) What am I going to do with you, huh? I could lock you in a room with Tidus and Jecht, but I think that's against the Geneva Convention. If it isn't, it damned well should be. I think any power-mad dictator would gratefully give up all his weapons of mass destruction and live happily in the "Peaceful Valley Former Dictator's Commune" if they could just get away from those two for a while.

-AG

Aww, it's not like I haven't all but given away that particular plot detail for Suiko III, but I'll admit I would have been very sad to know that was coming (even though I kinda did). It would take away the beautiful surprise element of it. Hehehehe.

Since you said that you haven't seen the end of FFIX yet, Ruby, I'll keep the details to myself. I'll say this: it was extremely cheesy and somewhat predictable, but I bawled like Tidus with a skinned knee. Even on the second playthrough of the game, I was reduced to a sobbing nitwit when I saw Zi?never mind.

-LC

Not so sad death scenes
Sad RPG scenes? Hmm.

As I'm sure you ladies will see from these examples, I'm often distracted by annoying details that prevent me from even noticing the unfortunate character about to throw a seven.

Aeris' death, if I'm completely honest, made me laugh. Okay, so it was pretty shocking the first time (in a "OMG that w4s SO UNXPECTED evan th0 I wz xpEctying it BACK IN MIDGAR!!!!!11111" kind of way), but after that I was too busy noticing how Sephiroth's sword didn't have any trace of blood on it even though he'd just rammed it right through Airhead's heart. Whoops, game designers.

Okay, let's try another death scene...how about Nanami in Suikoden II? I must admit that her last words were quite touching, and my heart was in my mouth when she was trying to deflect the arrows. But eventually, my relief in never again having to hear "Come on, let's run away! We'll go back to Kyraro soon, right? Jowy's going to be okay, right? Right? RIGHT?" completely overshadowed any sorrow I had at her death (but then I had to ruin everything by getting all 108 Stars of Destiny and seeing the Tomboy Bitch From Hell again. Grrrr).

For some reason, deaths in earlier RPGs affect me more than recent ones. Maybe I have a natural sympathy for 16-colour sprites or something. I did have a little sniffle when Palom and Porom turned to stone in FFIV...but only because I'd just lost the two funniest - and, frankly, likeable - characters in the game. Also, the multitude of deaths in FFV (around twenty-seven at the last count) made an already depressing game even more depressing.

I don't want to leave my email on a sad note, so:
Tidus is a wanker.
There, all better.

-Mad Ben

Ben, my boy you must be mad, making fun of Nanami like that. LC may never forgive you. I give you props on the death of Aeris. It seems to be the favorite of our intrepid respondents this week. I have to admit that I was terribly nonplussed about the whole thing, and sum it up thusly (which LC and Jeanne have heard a million times, I hope they'll humor me):

Cloud: "Aeris is dead, you bastard, dead! DEAD! DEAD!!!! Oh, go fight Jenova? Okay."

In all honesty, the loss of the first Cait Sith in FFVII had me tearing up more than the loss of Aeris, but maybe it's because I'm naturally more of a soppy with animals than humans. Go figure.

-AG

I'll spare your life THIS TIME for ragging on Nanami. You heartless clod, you.

As for what you said about her, I can't say I felt that way at all. For one thing, having her in the party all the time wasn't NEARLY so annoying as putting up with her Suikoden I equivalent, Gremio. She was a decent playable character, at least. And at least her constant whining about going back to Kyaro and all was sincere. It's not like she kept saying it over and over and OVER just to piss us off. She really did want to go home, and who could blame her? She missed her friend, she was worried about her brother, and most importantly, half the City-State army was composed of gigantic assholes. If I had to share living quarters with Zamza, Jess, Lo Wen, Freed and Sheena, I'd be dying to get away, too.

In short, if you didn't cry when Nanami died, you have no soul. There, I said it.

-LC

Sappy spoilers
Greetings, ye of the acronymous nicks.

Having played my share of RPGs in my time, I have seen many of the tear jerking scenes. Therefore, before getting to my personal favorite, and since I have some time to spare this time, allow me to comment on the more popular tear-jerking scenes.

Oh, and for those of us with short attention spans, EVERYTHING FROM THIS POINT ONWARD IS PURE, UNDILLUTED SPOILER.

With that said:

-The death of 'Aerith', FFVII: The tear-jerking 'thcene' that would have been much more effective if not for GameFan 'thpoiling' it. 'Ath' it 'ith', little 'thingth' like the 'muthic' following her death (which happened in utter 'thilence') or watching Cloud showing more emotion than he ever had (or ever will). POSHUSHU!!

-Any of the more 'romantic' scenes in FFVIII: There are those who swear by these, there are those who groan at these. I always thought Rinoa was lucky to be at the right place and at the right time: if Squall weren't already considering opening up to other people, he would have ignored her and remained gay.

-Tidus _finally_ realizing that the end of the pilgrimage is the end for Yuna, FFX: I want to think Square realized that many players would have figured out the truth about the pilgrimage before the Shocking Revelation (TM), and as such consider the main point of said Revelation Tidus' reaction to it. Rare is the time when an idiot realizes how much of an idiot he's been.

And now, my current favorite tear-jerking moment:

-The final duel & both of its outcomes, Suikoden II: I won't say much about this little gem, since this is one of those scenes that's best experienced raw. That said, this is one of the moments that best shows what Suikoden is all about: tragedy brought by the Evils Of War!(TM) and yaoi undertones.

Until next time, remember that Sin is Jecht!

~Quartz Falcon

Ah, Suikoden II, the game that made me wonder if there's some behind-the-scenes yaoi between Saddam and Dubya.

Great scene, but I think the aforementioned Suikoden II scene is the bigger tear-jerker. My reaction to the final duel when I first played the game was more one of extreme anger, because I discovered that Nanami was dead forever just because I never happened upon stupid fucking Clive and Elza in Muse. Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't randomly go down a certain side pathway. There goes the good ending!

As for the FFX scene you mentioned, that made me laugh my ass off, to be honest. Not so much because of Yuna's fate--I like Yuna enough where I was sad to finally hear that she was going to die, except not. But the Tidus reaction made it downright hilarious. Because he started saying things about himself that the rest of us had been saying from the get-go. He finally, finally realized what an irredeemable moron he was. It was like the whole game experience, all of the suffering brought on by his wankerhood, led up to this moment. Beautiful.

-LC

Greetings, QF, oh he of the reciprocal acronymity.

First off, what do you mean Squall remaining gay? The boy's as queer as a three-dollar bill. We know it, Seifer knows it, dogs know it. Poor Rinoa was just in denial. I can relate. I've been there. I once spent an entire dinner out arguing with HG about Auron's standing on the Spira Life-O-Meter?. It's one of the few arguments I've ever lost with the man, damn him.

And I sputter in glee at your take on the Aeris death scene as well as Tidus' "sudden" realization that YUNA'S GOING TO DIE! I personally could have done without the sounds JAT saw fit to inject into that scene, let alone watch Whinybritches hump the ground in his pain. (Yes, I've just used another word besides "wanker" to describe Tidus. Call out the press, kids.)

As for Suikoden II, I'll let you know when I get there if I agree with you or not. You people sure do make it hard to behave and finish one game before starting another one, I'll tell you that.

-AG

Best. Music. Ever.
First off, I don't know what you're going to do with this, The mailbag said no later than Sat.22 March, 8:00. 8:00 am or 8:00 pm?

The best "Tear-jerking" scene was in FFIX when Zidane was shouting at Vivi and Eiko and then stormed off. The whole genome scene. I don't know how anyone could be upset at the loss of Aeris, She's piss weak, annoying and if she didn't die, chances are we would be rescuing her again at some point in the game.

The scene in FFIX was so great, because it had awesome music, and a decent storyline to go with it, and didn't involve a helpless female in a trance-like state that every other RPG has for it's tear-jerking moment, like Rinoa being possessed by Adel (then being rescued by Squall), Aeris praying or whatever etc.

Anyway, I hope this gets put up. Great site everyone.

Ragnarok.

How 'bout the scene in FFIX where Vivi realized that Quina was his uncle? Or something. I don't know. But I was basically an emotional wreck from hour one of FFIX, since Vivi just screams for that kind of reaction. "I'm insecure and I have no one to love me! CRY, GOD DAMMIT!!!"

Also, when Freya realized her man had no idea who she was. I love Freya, so that was emotional for me. She managed to be feminine AND cool, even though she was a giant rat.

-LC

Well, Raggie, this is a new one, the great "I'm a bastard" scene with Zidane and company. Now, I'm going to disagree with you, since I thought that particular part of FFIX was one of Square's more cracked-out moments, ranking right up there with the whole "Necron as final boss" thing going on in the game. I didn't see it as some big plot turn that Zidane went from happy-go-lucky to sullen and grouchy, I saw it only as a contrivance to drive home a point - which Square admittedly likes to do with a lump hammer, as we've all seen again and again.

I liked the scene in Alexandria between Steiner and Beatrix best myself. I always was a sucker for the brave last stand.

-AG

Tears of pain
Greetings from the desert.

I'm not one for bursting into tears at any given emotional moment, so I can't really say I've ever cried during a game. I came close, though, when Auron appeared in Luca Stadium. I knew then that all the horrors of the game that I had faced were well worth it. The Red-Robed One had arrived and he wasn't gonna take off again. Well... not until I beat the game, that is.

Another tear-worthy yet not-so wonderfully pleasant scene in Final Fantasy X (since I'm on the subject) was the "love (vomit-inducing!) scene" in Macalania Woods. The only reason it inspires monumental amounts of sadness is the thought that there is a possibility that Tidus will reproduce and the world will be overrun with Tidus Juniors. I found myself wishing Jecht had beaten the little punk to death before he hit puberty.

To get away from the FFX theme, I did shed a tear when I was forced to blow Trevelyan's brains out in the N64 game "Goldeneye". I'm just that pathetic.

*~Rynoah~*

Ry,

Tidus, reproducing? We asked for tear-jerking scenes girl, not the stuff of nightmares! I have to admit that I too teared up the first time I saw the "lake" scene. But I can't watch someone cry without feeling teary myself; so there you go. Hell, I've been known to tear up at a Hallmark Cards commercial if the mood strikes me, so me crying isn't always the best indicator on how touching a scene is or isn't.

-AG

As long as we're admitting somewhat embarrassing crying fits, I was brought to tears by the first block secret level in Ricco Harbor in Mario Sunshine. I guess that wasn't an emotional thing, though.

-LC

Tears of laughter
Heh.... I'm one that's known to cry if a nail gets broken... and not necessarily one of mine, but I really find no reason to cry during most video games.... except one, but I'll talk about that later....

A lot of people seem to be really sad that Aeris died.. GET OVER IT. There. 'nuff said. I hated Aeris with all my gamer cells... But I am one of those people who is more for the bad guys... I did get emotional when Rufus died, heh. Aeris' death was just there.... And the materia took too long to fall, so that took away from any emotion I might have had....

The ending of FFX was actually pretty funny.. .. She runs, she falls, she cries, she says "I love you," and I burst out laughing. She just sat there, and made herself look like an idiot, all for this wanker that she supposedly loved, and suddenly he's gone, and I was glad, because that would give Wakka a chance it... Never mind, I'm getting off topic here.

Videogames aren't really sad... just there. Happiness I can feel in these things, but when someone tries to create sadness, it doesn't get through to me...

Kebbam Sylrehy

A Wakka x Yuna shipper, huh? Did I read that right? I'll admit I've not seen too many of your kind around. Lulu x Yuna, yes, even Kimhari x Yuna, but never Wakka x Yuna. Very interesting. I never pictured them as a couple myself; but then, I never pictured Auron and Seymour as a couple either and yet there's at least one fic out there about it. And since I summed up my take on Aeris(th)' death scene in an earlier reply, there's no need for me to repeat it here. Lord knows we're accused of repeating "wanker" too often as it is, let alone my so-so attempt at the workings of what passes for Cloud's mind. But I agree it wasn't as impactful as it has been made out to be by fanfolks over the years. Even Sephy looked embarrassed to be there when all was said and done. And just why the hell couldn't we pick up the materia and go already? Wasn't that the whole point of her noble death in the first place? For some reason my twisted mind thinks it would be a hoot if Square ever did make a sequel to FFVII to have Aeris take the place of Samara's character in The Ring. "Before you die?you see?the pink?"

-AG

While I don't agree with your assertion that videogames don't instill sadness, I've played through many a "moment" that I knew was supposed to be sad, but I just couldn't make myself care. Sorry Gremio fangirls, but when he bit the big one to save his Young Master, I was completely blank. For one thing, it was fantastic to know I wouldn't have to put him in my party all the time. For another, it just HAPPENED. There was the little moment of foreshadowing where he absolutely INSISTED on coming along, despite everyone's objections, but it was so sudden that I couldn't feel sad about it. And hell, it's not like he never came back.

Also, were we supposed to feel sad when Belgemine was sent? Because she annoyed the crap out of me.

-LC

Jeanne Rubbo puppet?
Hmmmmm..............
errrrrrrrrrrrr......................
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...............

One of the things about getting so flipping old is that it's hard to remember stuff any more. FF6? Played it, can't remember a darned thing about it. Chrono Cross? Ditto. So it makes it kind of hard to extemporize upon this topic.

I can only clearly remember one gaming moment that moved me to tears.... Well, let me rephrase that. I mean I can only recall one instance where the game story was so touching it moved me to tears. I weep bitterly whenever I put FFX in the PS2 and Tidus begins wanking, and you only have to mention "Beyond the Beyond" to reduce me to a blubbering mass and force me to begin sawing at my wrists with a plastic spoon.

This contains a major spoiler, so don't read further unless you want the climax of the game ruined for you!

***SPOILER ALERT***

Okay. If you kept reading this far, it means you either don't care about reading a spoiler, or you are a complete Tidus, in which case I am overjoyed to be able to ruin the game climax for you.

The game I can recall moving me to tears in the under-rated and overlooked Rhapsody - A Musical Adventure. The main character is Cornnut, an orphan girl raised by her grandpa. She is a little odd because she can talk to puppets and they talk back. The voices in my head tell me this is not normal. Anyway, her constant companion and best friend is a living fairy puppet name Kururururururururu (help! I can't stop spelling Kururu!!!) who is about as sarcastic as Jeanne Rubbo and always hides her tender feeling for Cornnut with her humor and biting remarks. At the climax of the game (here comes the spoiler) we learn that Kururu is animated by the spirit of Cornnut's dead mommy, who took the form of a puppet in order to watch over her. When Cornnut finally gets her man de-stoned and drags him to the altar, Kururu departs in one of the true bittersweet moments in gaming history.

That's the one tear-jerking moment I can recall. I am sure there were many more, since I am the type of guy who weeps whenever the dog dies at the end of the movie. If you forgive me now, I am going to jump up and down on my copy of "Beyond the Beyond" and weep loud and long over the fifty bucks I wasted on that dog turd.

Why is it that everyone and their mama hates Beyond the Beyond with a passion, but everyone fucking LOVES Golden Sun, and it's the exact same game? Is badness excusable when it's on a handheld, or did you all just FORGET why BtB sucked because the idea of it sucking was so ingrained in your brains?

Whatever.

-LC

Jump away, CS. I've never had the (mis)fortune to play that particular game, but I've never played Rhapsody, either. A Jeanne Rubbo style puppet would sure be something to see, though. And there's no shame in crying when a movie takes a cheap shot at an animal, though I'm usually angry and crying when it happens, since I consider it the nadir of a director's craft. I for one will never watch Ole Yeller ever again, and I felt guilt the whole way through Silent Hill for being the end of so many demon-dogs. It didn't stop me, but I sure felt bad about it.

-AG


It's always good to have a spoilerrific mailbag once in a while, hmm? Lets us talk about all those endings and plot details we're otherwise terrified to mention because someone might get upset that Aerittttthhhhh is dead. Or something like that.

For next week, let's go kicky super fanboy posturing okay! Tell us your worst and most embarrassing moments of otakuism. Maybe you spent a ridiculous amount of money on an import game on ebay, which turned out to suck ass? Or perhaps you've gotten into heated arguments over the merits of Final Fantasy VIII with some no-nothing moron at Funcoland. Maybe you're one of those people that piss off LC all the time by using fan Japanese in regular conversation. You could tell us about that time you wore your Bart Fatima costume to the grocery store. Anything you like, as long as it makes you look all losery. Tell us your horror stories by Wednesday, April 9 at 8:00 p.m. EST, and don't be afraid! We're all dorks here, you know.

We await your sugoooooooooi letters! Kawaii baka baka!

- AG and Lita-chan

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