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"I just realized that if Steve and Whiner got together and made babies, those fuckers would probably cause the universe to implode and fire to rain down from the heavens with their whining. I hate to say it, but hanging out with Tidus would probably be preferable to hanging out with those kids. Now that's fucked up."
     -Jeanne, Chrono Cross Part 7




Absoludicrous.net
Alterra



Link to VGR!


Site FAQ
Last updated: 07.08.04
Here are the answers to all your questions about the site.
--What is the purpose of this site?
--Jeez, you must really hate these games.
--You ripped on my favorite game and now my feelings are hurt.
--I'm still mad. I think I'll send you a nasty e-mail full of misspelled words and self-righteous ranting.
--Wow, I really love your recaps. When will you finish the recaps for [whatever game]?
--Damn, your recaps suck. You are not funny at all.
--I don't think your recaps are funny, so I am going to give you detailed advice on how to be funnier because I am such an expert. At least I think so.
--How do I get past this really tough part in [whatever game]?
--Can I write a recap for your site????
--Can I contribute something funny to your site?
--Why don't you have a recap of [whatever game] on your site?
--Your recaps don't make sense because you give all the characters weird nicknames and I'm confused.
--You have spoilers in your recaps, and I am sad.
--But really, what's the point? Why do you even bother writing this crap?
--Can I link to you?
--Will you link to me?
--How can I send you e-mail?
--I am an expert on the games you are recapping, and I'm going to give you information on what happens later in the games because obviously you don't know.
--You use the word "wanker" way too much. This makes me SO ANGRY.
--You missed a minor detail of the game, and it totally affects my enjoyment of the recap, so I would like to point it out to you because that will really do me a lot of good and I'll feel totally superior to you 14M0RZ.
--I see that the mailbag is now dedicated to roasting trolls and spammers. I have come up with the brilliant and totally unique idea of sending a fake flame. That will be so funny and clever, and I'll totally get a lot of attention for ME ME ME ME ME ME.
What is the purpose of this site?
The purpose of VGR.com is to poke fun at the dramafests that are RPG storylines. The better the consoles, the more convoluted and angsty the plots become. Cliches abound, and cheese oozes out of every single line of dialogue. We start to see the same characters again and again. It's our job to retell them in what we hope is a humorous manner.

Jeez, you must really hate these games.
No, not really. In fact, we like the majority of them. It's just fun to rip on them.

You ripped on my favorite game/character and now my feelings are hurt.
Why? It's all fictional. We weren't ripping on you. Settle down.

I'm still mad. I think I'll send you a nasty e-mail full of misspelled words and self-righteous ranting.
Go ahead. It won't change a thing about the site, and we will laugh at it. Seriously. You should see some of the e-mails we get.

Wow, I really love your recaps. When will you finish the recaps for [whatever game]?
A long time. Don't hold your breath.

Damn, your recaps suck. You are not funny at all.
Then don't read them. Or, you can bitch and whine via your LJ/message board/e-mail. Depends on how much effort you want to put into disliking VGR.

I don't think your recaps are funny, so I am going to give you detailed advice on how to be funnier because I am such an expert. At least I think so.
Obviously, there is no way we simply have differing brands of humor. No, you are a humor god, and we shall gladly remake the entire site for you as soon as you save us from our lack of funny.

How do I get past this really tough part in [whatever game]?
This isn't a hints and tips site. Try www.gamefaqs.com. No, seriously. We really will not give you any hints. STOP WRITING TO US ASKING FOR HINTS.

Can I write a recap for your site????
I am no longer accepting recap applications, due to a number of factors. So, in short, no.

Can I contribute something funny to your site?
Maybe. I'm willing to put anything funny and original up on this site. However, I'm not going to post just any old thing. E-mail me and we'll talk.

Why don't you have a recap of [whatever game] on your site?
We just don't. We may in the future, or we may not. It depends on how familiar we are with the game, and how well we think it lends itself to recaps.

Your recaps don't make sense because you give all the characters weird nicknames and I'm confused.
We like nicknames.

You have spoilers in your recaps, and I am sad.
You were warned. What, you didn't bother to read the disclaimer? Now whose fault is that?

But really, what's the point? Why do you even bother writing this crap?
Because we just like to. are sad individuals who are pathetic enough to spend our time writing up detailed recaps of video games. Also, we are apparently gay men who can't get any.

Can I link to you?
Sure! The button is over to the left if you want to use that.

Will you link to me?
I'll link to yours if you link to mine.

How can I send you e-mail?
Comments for Jeanne's recaps and site questions, suggestions, and bugs -- jeanne@videogamerecaps.com
Comments for Kelly/AG -- kelly@videogamerecaps.com
Comments for Sam/LC -- sam@videogamerecaps.com
Comments for Ben -- ben@videogamerecaps.com
Comments for Ryan -- ryan@videogamerecaps.com
Letters for the mailbag -- mailbag@videogamerecaps.com
We love e-mail!

I am an expert on the games you are recapping, and I'm going to give you information on what happens later in the games because obviously you don't know.
The recappers have all played through their respective games. They already know what's going to happen, and often times have a players guide handy to help with all those little secrets. Sometimes we write as if we don't know the entire plot, but don't be fooled.

You use the word "wanker" way too much. This makes me SO ANGRY.
Wanker. WankerwankerwankerWANKER. WANKER.

You missed a minor detail of the game, and it totally affects my enjoyment of the recap, so I would like to point it out to you because that will really do me a lot of good and I'll feel totally superior to you 14M0RZ.
How can we retain any self-esteem when we are faced with such a fantastic human being? Please, be sure to send us a list of all the details you deem most important before we write our recaps, so they can be tailored to your wishes. (Note: That was sarcasm. Please don't actually do that.)

I see that the mailbag is now dedicated to roasting trolls and spammers. I have come up with the brilliant and totally unique idea of sending a fake flame mail. That will be so funny and clever, and I'll totally get a lot of attention for ME ME ME ME ME ME.
Or you could not do that.

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