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"'Commander PUGGY!!!, please give us the signal to move forward,' Mathiu says. Now, this may seem reasonable and everything, but what PUGGY!!! doesn't realize is that Mathiu is really saying, 'We're moving out now, no matter which option you choose, because the game designers are asshats and won't let you save before a stupid army battle which might cause the death of one of the 108 stars and then you'll have to reload and sit through this stupid shit again.'"
     -Jeanne, Suikoden Part 6

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Wind Wanker Retrospective
By Quartz Falcon
Posted 08.29.06
Pg. 1 : 2 : 3 : 4
'Hoy, everyone! Welcome to the article some of you were waiting for: the Wind Wanker Retrospective. With the site anniversary 200th recap celebrations, the time is ripe to take a look back at this, one of the site's more unique recaps. And what makes it so unique, you ask?


Okay, I'm going to assume that some of you here are new, so I'll be listing the things this recap series did first on the site:

1) A non-RPG being recapped on the site.

Back in the early days of VGR, Jeanne had made a few basic limitations for writing the recaps, key among them that there had to be of games with enough plot for them to not give the impression that the recapper is just dicking around. Yeah, and then Xenosaga was added to the site. But the thing is that, since WW had more cinematics and WTF-ery than other Zeldas, it basically got a pass into getting recapped.

2) A tag-team recap in which both participants engaged in a series of trying to one-up the other.

Little things like seeking gayer images and/or item descriptions in the portion recapped of the game, or trying to place more shit up for whoever does the next recap, keeping a friendly level of competition, made these recaps a more enjoyable experience.

3) A title that can easily be read as "wanker".

C'mon, this one was the cincher, here. When this site (and Fandom Wank) popularized the usage of the verb "wank" on the internet, this is a no brainer.

Anyway, on these following pages, you'll find a brief recounting of all 12 recaps, including the superfluous data the more obsessed around you like to know about. Afterwards, there's an interview with Sam and Jeanne on their thoughts regarding the recapů among other things. Finally, there are the pictures and writings from dedicated fans. But first, let's answer an important question regarding the game:

So What is Wind Wanker About, Anyway?

Transcribed from the forums:

"1. Sailing, sailing, and more effing sailing.
2. Twink killing stuff with his pointy sword.
3. Twink being enormously gay."


"- Repetitive Puzzles.
- Everyone else being enormously gay."


"- Fetch Quest that puts Chrono Trigger to shame
- More gay"


- PENIS!!!


- GAY"


If this game (and the recap) taught us anything, it's that red text trumps all.

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