Wankese 101 Contest Results
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It's been quite some time since the Wankese Contest ended, and due to some technical difficulties
(sickness, trying to make my lazy husband do the voiceovers), I'm only now posting the results.
Choosing a winner was difficult, but we decided to go with Quartz Falcon because of his understated
(read: not DISGUSTINGLY OVER-THE-TOP PERVERSE) and extremely humorous entries. Also, he completed
all of the questions properly. Some of you need to reread the rules before you submit your contest entries. ;)
Before we continue on to QF's lovely entries, I would just like to take a moment to point something
out. This is the original entry form you were all shown. Note in particular the
fill-in-the-blank section. Several of you apologized for your dirty and perverted FITB answers, but
stated something along the lines of "I couldn't help it -- the questions gave me no choice!" Well,
let me just show you the ORIGINAL FITB paragraphs that I wrote, before I removed phrases. You'll
see that all the perversity in this situation is in your dirty little minds.
Jeanne's Original FITB Paragraphs:
1) I thought back to the first time Auron showed up at my house. I was really young at the time,
and I didn't understand why some random guy knew where I lived. It turned out he knew my old man, but
at the time I thought they must have been blitzball buddies or something. I was surprised to find
out that they had actually been guardians together in Spira. And here I was, guarding a summoner
along with Auron, just like my old man had so many years ago. Life is strange. I think that was
the first time I really knew what that phrase meant. I have Auron to thank for that.
2) It was right before the big game against the Goers. I think we were all a little nervous,
especially Wakka. He kept giving us pointers, even though I didn't need them. After all, I was
the star player of the Zanarkand Abes. I noticed that the other guys were hanging on Wakka's
every word. As I looked around at them, I realized that I was a bit jealous that I didn't get
to wear an Aurochs uniform, too. In Spira, my outfit was made fun of a lot and that made me
feel bad. At that moment, the other Aurochs all turned to me, as if expecting me to say something.
I had to make something up, because I hadn't been listening. I talked about teamwork and victory,
and I even gave a few pointers, particularly to Keepa, whose magic hands would win or
lose the game for us. I think I was truly happy at that moment, happier than I had been since
I came to Spira.
3) I didn't tell anyone this, but when I first came to Spira, I had a difficult time choosing
between Yuna, Rikku, and Lulu. They were all so hot in different ways. But as time went on, it
became easier for me to see who I should be with. At first, I thought Lulu might be the one --
any guy would want to go out with her. Then I realized that she was already in love with Wakka.
I wasn't about to get in the middle of that, so I turned my attention to Yuna. She seemed to
like having me around, but her duties as a summoner kept getting in the way of us being together.
Then, when Rikku returned to our group, I realized that I liked her upbeat personality. Actually,
I had really missed her since we had gotten separated a while back. Unfortunately, she seemed
more interested in protecting Yuna than in starting a relationship with me, so that soon fizzled
out. That's why I ended up coming back to Yuna. Even though she had her pilgrimage and even
though she might die at the end, there was no denying that we were right for each other. I like
to think it was fate.
4) I never wanted to believe that Yuna was going to die. In fact, the first time it really
hit me was when I found that sphere she had made. I knew I shouldn't pick it up and listen
to it, but I couldn't help myself. As I listened to her go through her list of guardians, I
realized that she never said my name. To her, I was just the star player of the Zanarkand Abes.
Sure, that's what I always told people, but I wanted her to say my name, especially in her
final farewell. Now that I look back on it, I realize that I was just being selfish. I realize
that I was that way a lot.
5) Back in Zanarkand, I was used to being admired by a lot of people. But ever since I arrived in
Spira, it seemed like I did nothing but embarrass myself. It was weird to be looked at as a
joke instead of as a star, but I soon got used to it. Some of the most embarrassing moments
of my time in Spira happened when I first arrived. Everyone was so surprised that I knew nothing
about Spira, and I had to keep saying that it was Sin's toxin in my body that made me forget
everything. I also embarrassed myself when I grabbed that megaphone and told the Goers that
the Aurochs would win the game....and then we lost. I was embarrassed when I found out about that
time that Auron caught me singing on the docks. But the most embarrassing part of all was when
I realized that everyone in the whole world knew about what was going to happen to Yuna....except
for me. I wanted to go home.
Now, onto QF's entry!