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"By this time, every person in the universe with more than a single brain cell knows that this is the old body switcheroo plot. That we've seen in pretty much everything ever, from Freaky Friday to Utena. Even Tidus would be all, ''Those guys didn't switch bodies.' That's what I would have said, if those guys hadn't switched bodies. But they did switch bodies. And then I felt...sleepy. I hate my old man.'"
     -Jeanne, Chrono Cross Part 8




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Link to VGR!


04.01.10

Confession time

I know it’s been a while since I did a game commentary post, and since I played all the way through Ace Attorney Investigations over a month ago, it’s as good a time as any to remedy that. There’s just one problem, and it’s one that has caused me to procrastinate on making this post. I’m afraid you guys are going to kill me for this, but I have to come clean. Let me rephrase that — I have to make a confession. You see, after playing through Ace Attorney Investigations, I no longer think Miles Edgeworth is gay.

Wait! At least hear me out! VGR isn’t going to turn into the GameFAQs message boards or anything like that. I still think Squall and Seifer and Link and Phoenix Wright and all the Suikoden guys and so on are fruitier than a sackful of bananas. There’s no cause for alarm. But in this one isolated case, I have to admit I was wrong about Miles Edgeworth. “Hold on just a minute, Jeanne,” you say. “You have seen his outfit, right?” Well, yes. The fuchsia suit — not to mention the frilly cravat — is quite the hard evidence in the “Miles Edgeworth is gay” case. But isn’t it possible he’s just a metrosexual who enjoys fancy clothes? Yes. Yes it is.

I suppose you want me to explain why I’ve had a change of heart — or a change of gaydar, if you prefer. I don’t know what to tell you. There wasn’t really a single defining moment from the game that changed my mind. It was more of a vibe. Like, he just seemed to have a rapport with some of the (adult) female characters that I wouldn’t really expect from a man who thinks vaginas are icky. Also, when he’s surrounded by a plethora of dudes wearing pink who are clearly into the cock, it makes him seem less homosexual in comparison. I don’t know. Maybe Phoenix’s clear attraction to him in the first three games made me think he automatically returned the sexy feelings. Without Phoenix around to make fuck-me eyes at him across the courtroom, my perception is no longer skewed. It’s nothing scientific, okay? I don’t have to prove anything to you — I’m not on trial here.

So I hope you aren’t too disappointed in me for admitting this. Maybe in time you can forgive me. In the meantime, I hope this link will make it up to you.

Tags:

Posted by Jeanne

7 Responses to “Confession time”

  1. Vincent Valentine Says:

    I’m going to take Margaret Cho’s opinion here: “IS HE GAY? IS HE STRAIGHT? …And then I realised. He’s just slutty.”

  2. AirAce Says:

    rofl

    YOU got me so bad. Normally, I hate april fool jokes but each one done here actually makes me laugh.

  3. Kelly Says:

    And here I was about to Dick roll everyone on this fine April Fool’s Day.

    Well done, Jeanne. Well done.

  4. Ben Says:

    Wow, you even got me. This is even better than my 55 year-old co-worker convincing me she was pregnant this morning.

  5. [Insert Name] Says:

    Damn, fooled me.

    Best April Fool’s joke I’ve seen all day. Good job, Jeanne.

  6. Rydia Says:

    VGR never fails in the April Fool’s department~ I came here hoping for some First of April shenanigans, and I lol’d. :3 Because, really. We all know he’s gay. Except, apparently, the people you fooled. <3

  7. Michael Says:

    Wow, that got me. That got me good. I was even expecting this. It clearly said “04.01.10” as the date. I should have known.

    I think it was your “reasoning” that made it so plausible. It seemed as though you yourself were still coming to terms with it. It was reluctant, hesitant, and just vague enough to fool us. “There wasn’t really a single defining moment from the game that changed my mind. It was more of a vibe.” We can’t really argue with that, it’s more of a matter of opinion.

    In short: Brilliant!

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