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"The wild sex part is confirmed by an 'official proclamation' from Mel plastered all over Meribia, which reads: 'The mountain road to Nanza has been closed indefinitely due to the danger posed by roving bandits. Meribians are not allowed to travel the road until further notice...especially foolish young daughters.' Yep, Jessica's participating in massive bandit orgies. Didn't we all do that in our formative years?"
     -Sam, Lunar: Silver Star Story Part 3




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02.17.14

Happy 12th Birthday!

We made it! It’s finally here — VGR’s golden birthday! Now the site is officially as old as the sad 12-year-old recappers who write for it!

Thanks so much to my fellow recappers who have done such a fantastic job this year. Sam and Ben have done the brunt of the recapping work, and they are awesome. Speaking of which, they each have contributed a recap for the anniversary:

Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Part 11 by Sam finishes up the first Anal Attorney game! Plus, it breaks the record for longest recap on the site. Seriously, look at it.

Final Fantasy IV Part 5 by Ben continues the poorly-translated adventures of the most resilient cast ever. These fuckers just don’t stay dead.

As for the site redesign, it is well underway, but isn’t quite ready yet. I’ve been toiling away, coding WordPress like a motherfuck PLUS transferring all 271 recaps into the system. I’m targeting this summer, barring any unforeseen issues. So stay tuned for that!

Thanks again for reading, and for continuing to support the site!

Tags: , ,

Posted by Jeanne

21 Responses to “Happy 12th Birthday!”

  1. ryoko126 Says:

    Happy Anniversery, and I hope there are a TON more! Anyway, I went on and saw the Final Fantasy IV recap updated as the first thing I saw and I immediately squeed. I love the game and it’s awesome to see that updated. I’ll also read the PW recap too, of course. But YAY ME!

  2. demidaemon Says:

    I’m commenting on Ben’s recap first. Wonderful job, especially with that horrid translation. I especially like your description of Troia’s (Tororia) “culture,” and the clerics themselves. Knowing who shows up in the sequel, you analysis makes perfect sense in relation to her absolute spinelessness.

    I also liked this line, because it made me think of a really lame joke: “This particular airship is called the Enterprise, and no, I’m not willing to spend more than a second contemplating the terrifying prospect of a Final Fantasy/Star Trek crossover fanfic. I’m sure someone’s already written it, anyway.”

    Here’s the joke: Isn’t that Final Fantasy VIII? *rimshot*

    I do know people who are still watching wrestling, however. But I understand your decision to change the nickname? I mean, how could Cecilia yell out TBBM when he is in the throes of passion?

  3. Keelorzilla Says:

    Aww, soon VGR is going to be an angsty teenager! Happy birthday/anniversary!

  4. demidaemon Says:

    So, I finally finished Sam’s monster of a recap. Whoo boy! It gave me slight PTSD in regards to when I first played that case. UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! So horrible. So stupid. Especially when there are about five zillion contradictions and you have to point out the exact right one or get a penalty.

    I can’t even post anything here as to a favorite quote, as it was so awesome. I do give both Sam and Jeanne major kudos for actually putting together a timeline for those murders. I couldn’t have done it. Other aspects I love/was slightly disturbed by but still laughed about: Kiyance–Edgeworth’s drag name; Judge and Gant–the new OTP; Darke and Marshall Sr–the dead OTP; Sam’s necessary recess.

    I can’t wait for the sequel: “Justice for All OR Lesbian Germans with Whips.”

  5. Lord-Derpface Says:

    Hey all. It’s been a while. I’ve been reading VGR quietly for the past few months, and decided to speak up and wish the site a Happy Birthday, as well as apologize for my past behavior. I meant everything I said only in good jest, but I can see how some of the things I said could have been interpreted as an insult, and I now realize that not everyone cares about the little details as much as I do. I really didn’t mean to upset anyone, and I apologize once again.

    From now on, when I comment on a recap, I will try to follow a rule my dear mother used to tell me, “If you don’t have anything nice or homoerotic to say, don’t say anything at all.” Or, at least I think that’s what she told me.

    I haven’t yet had the time to read either of the new recaps, but I’ll get to it soon. The length of the Phoenix Wright recap intimidates me though. I think it’s safe to say that it’s replaced FFX as the site’s flagship recap?

    Once again, Happy Birthday to VGR! Here’s to another twelve years of snark, sarcasm, homoeroticism, and penis jokes.

  6. Sam Says:

    I am surprised ANYONE finished reading my recap already. Demi, I don’t know whether to be flattered or concerned for you.

    Ben, this entire recap was golden, notably the reunion with Edward. But when I got to this, I lost it:

    I’m going to spoil things right now–we never find out anything else about the Dark Elf or his motivations. I know, it’s almost like he’s simply a plot device pulled out of a game designer’s arse in order to facilitate a gimmick dungeon. So, in time-honoured VGR tradition, I’ve attempted to come up with an interesting backstory for this cardboard villain. In my opinion, the Dark Elf is actually an insane Men’s Rights Activist who, infuriated at being rejected by one of Troia’s Clerics for being a “nice guy”, decided to steal the crystal, hoping to use its powers to put those dirty man-haters back in their place. It’s probably hidden under a fedora somewhere in the heart of his lair, next to a pile of discarded Mountain Dew cans and My Little Pony DVDs.

    Splendid.

  7. Accidentally The Sun Says:

    Damn! VGR’s almost too old to save the world from RPG villains anymore (let alone walk or take a shit without dipping into the Metamucil first – but don’t worry, you’re not 15 YET), but yet nearly old enough to escape Seymour’s clutches. It’s bittersweet. Happy birthday! I hope you all had a good time blowing on-OUT! Blowing OUT! – all those flaming, phallic candles and enjoying the naked Auron that popped out of the cake.

  8. Lord-Derpface Says:

    Just finished the FF4 recap. Sam’s favorite paragraph is probably also my favorite paragraph.

    Now I’m working on going through the recap that makes CHAOS!!! feel inadequate. I’m not going to try and rush through it, or I might not enjoy it. Best to take it slow, one page at a time.

  9. demidaemon Says:

    Sam, you clearly underestimate the enjoyment I get from both your snark and your pain. I did, however, take a few small bathroom breaks while reading it. Heh.

  10. Lord-Derpface Says:

    Phew. Finally got done with that monstrous recap.

    That was just… ridiculous. Phenomenally so. Between this and Final Fantasy XIII, I’m not sure which has the more convoluted story. Whoever wrote the story for this game must be forbidden from ever writing again.

    Congratulations on completing the recap. I bet it was certainly no small feat. Don’t feel like you have to rush out the first recap of the second game. I, for one, think that this is enough Anal Attourney action to tide me over for a good long while.

    The mention of Barry and Jowy’s True Buttsex Rune somewhere around the middle of the recap kinda made me want a new Suikoden recap. Not necessarily Suikoden II, just any Suikoden would be fine with me.

    And while we’re on the subject of games I’d like to see a recap of, has anyone here played Fire Emblem Awakening? I just got it a few days ago. I don’t know how far along in the game I am, but from what I’ve played so far, I think it might make for an entertaining recap.

  11. Accidentally The Sun Says:

    I just read through Ben’s newest FFIV recap the other night… I think the whole T(o)roia vs. MRA thing was hilarious. As was the reminder of what Troia actually means.

    A bit sadder? The reminder that the Magus Sisters actually weren’t all that their first go-round. I was so used to how kickass amazing they were in FFX. They need to appear in more games.

  12. Cat Says:

    OmG you guys, Congrats on the 12th Birthday. And that epically long AA Recap. It’s incredibly long, but I can understand needing all those words for that case. That case is just… I think I get a sympathy headache from just reading the recaps of the not-sense-making cases… which is all of them. Although, currently I’m going through case 2-2 on my LP and it’ll be fun to see how you guys will tackle it.

  13. Accidentally The Sun Says:

    So, I’ve been playing Wind Wanker HD recently, and I decided to give you guys a truly wonderful birthday present as a thanks for all the years of lulz and eye-opening rants.

    It’s a Pictograph, of a perfectly gay situation on perfectly gay Tingle Island:

    http://i58.tinypic.com/2s7xt21.jpg

    Enjoy your Knuckle sandwich, VGR.

  14. demidaemon Says:

    I just wanted to say that I have been playing the new Anal Attorney game and I feel that I have two little recappers on my shoulders, named Jeanne and Sam of course, giving side-eye and appropriately gay commentary the entire time. My experiences with videogames have been entirely tainted by this website and it is both a gift and a curse.

  15. Sam Says:

    I will take that as the highest of compliments. :D

  16. Ben Says:

    So I’m super late, but I wanted to thank everyone for their comments. Glad you enjoyed the recap!

    Also, major, MAJOR props to Sam for that awesome, novel-length Anal Attorney recap. Even *I* wanted to grind the broken pieces of THE JAR into the game designers’ palms by the end, so I can’t even comprehend how pissed off you must have been, but your pain, as always, resulted in much hilarity. Can’t wait for the recaps of the second game.

  17. Keelorzilla Says:

    I finally FINALLY finished the AA recap! I must have blocked out the previous two AA recaps in order to avoid tearing my hair out in frustration because I had to backtrack to the start of the case to understand what was going on (note: I have never played the game). 45 pages later I have to applaud Sam’s attempt near the end to try and create plausible timelines because I’m pretty sure halfway through that case I would have thrown my hands in the air and decided, “Screw this! They obviously don’t care about continuity or avoiding plot holes so I won’t either! Bring on the insanity!” It’s basically what I’ve done with the recent FF installments. My boyfriend gives me concerned looks from the couch as I alternate between laughing awkwardly and waving my hands ineffectually at the screen going, “WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!”

    Speaking of which, I enjoyed the FFIV recap! Partially because it reminded me that, really, FF games have never made much sense (Dark Elf, anyone?)

  18. Sam Says:

    It’s worth noting that the timeline is the result of YEARS of collaborative examination of this case. This one was so massive and convoluted we decided a long time ago we couldn’t go into it cold.

  19. Keelorzilla Says:

    Honestly, at this point it sounds like you and Jeanne have put more time and thought into writing about the case than the game designers spent creating it…

  20. Sam Says:

    That is a true, and sad, assessment.

  21. Lord-Derpface Says:

    http://awkwardzombie.com/index.php?page=0&comic=031614

    So, is it true that the Anal Attorney series is chock full of lawyers who are not only gay, but a bit too young to be lawyers? Or maybe it’s just super easy to become a lawyer in Los Japangeles. Given what we’ve seen of the legal system in this series just from the first game, that seems the most likely scenario, and somehow, I doubt the writing got better as the series went on.

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