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"When Mary Sue leaves, Ryudo strikes the Squall pose and snits, 'Dammit! NOT the right approach, Ryudo. NOT the right approach!' Which...doesn't really seem like the correct reaction to the previous wankversation. If I smoked enough crack to become a game designer, my choice of dialogue would be, 'Jesus Christ, what a fucking nutjob.' But that's just me again forgetting that everything has to revolve around the stupid Mary Sue. See, I would never make it in the biz."
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01.02.14

Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Part 10

Whooooooooooooop!!! Happy New Year! I am FINALLY done with the latest Phoenix Wright recap! There is only one more left to go, but I don’t have to write it! Fuck yeah!

So this one was brutal, thanks to everyone being as annoying as possible, not to mention a video that was terrible in every way. But I persevered so you all could have your gay lawyer fix. I hope it was worth it.

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Posted by Jeanne

7 Responses to “Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Part 10”

  1. karmic_justice Says:

    Longtime lurker here who finally decided to come out of hiding by popping the proverbial cherry of the comment section. ;)

    Anyway, excellent recap as always and very much worth waiting for! My hat’s off to you for having to deal with my least favorite character in the series (seriously, Mike Fucking Meekins is the Tingle of this series, since they kept bringing him back in so many games!) while making your take on an otherwise painful experience a very entertaining read. On a much more pleasant subject, your comments on our favorite OTP and their complex romantic relationship are golden as usual. And not gonna lie, your description of Jake Marshall’s stomach growling made me giggle. I always thought that was an odd sound effect but couldn’t quite put my finger on why until you mentioned it, but now it explains everything, heh heh.

    Speaking of Jake… did you try spraying Luminol in the security office? ;) Of course, if you haven’t yet, I recommend brain bleach for what may come to mind as soon as you, erm, discover something in there. Also, while I was hoping you would point out his self-avowed preference for noodles over tacos, the fruits of your research on his favorite type of pasta more than made up for that… I didn’t know it had clams in it, so it goes to show he’s a lot more confused than I thought.

    In any case, obviously I can ramble on about this for hours so I’ll shut up, but suffice it to say that I thoroughly enjoyed this recap and appreciate all the time and hard work you’ve put into it, and I’m eagerly anticipating the finale when Sam gets to post it. Thank you both for the awesome job you’ve done on the recaps for this game!

  2. demidaemon Says:

    I’m so surprised there are no comments yet! As Jeanne has stated and made very, very apparent, this is her least favorite part of the game and I totally empathize and agree with her. In fact, I would say it is my least favorite part of all the localized Anal Attorney games I have played, excepting the Blue Badger Amusement Park simulation in Anal Attorney Investigations, which is almost on par with the video. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! That video. It would never die! Moving on. So, again, it was difficult to pick a section to quote, as I like to do, especially when Jeanne started foaming at the mouth in rage, fruitless frustration, and oncoming relief towards the end (which was very amusing to my sadistic self, by the way ;)), but here is the section I chose:

    ” Ema recognizes him, which doesn’t stop the game from flashing back insultingly to Meekins’s appearance in Edgeworth’s office the previous day. This fucker has had one scene so far, and we already a flashback to that during the trial. To make matters worse, Ema mistakes Meekins first for a guard at the detention center, and then thinks he’s there to “deliver a report.” After way too many text boxes of wacky misunderstandings, Phoenix finally goes, “You… Officer Meekins… You didn’t… did you?” Holy shit, people. HE IS THE FUCKING SUSPECT YOU FUCKING MORONS. Meekins ups the annoying ante by whipping out a motherfucking megaphone, complete with another feedback sound, and screaming into it about being the suspect while looking severely constipated. This is awful.

    After Ema gets done crapping herself in shock, and Phoenix gets done blue-fonting about what a stunning surprise this is, we can get on with finding out what really happened in the evidence room. Man, I kill me. I want to get through this interview as quickly and painlessly as possible, so I’m going to do myself a favor and skip past all of Meekins’s shitty dialogue. His “quirk” is to yell “sir” after every single sentence clause, and that’s not counting his general self-pitying and mentally handicapped nature. And let’s not forget the megaphone, because the game designers certainly haven’t. He’s like a much more irritating Larry Butz, minus the chin beard and penis that keeps finding its way into Phoenix and Edgeworth.”

    I think this best represents what was clearly Jeanne’s mood during the entirety of this recap, and this was way before she truly lost her shit with these dumbasses. Hee. Still, despite all of Phoenix’s flaws and lack of intelligence, he still does not hold the #1 spot in videogame stupidity for me. Shion and Tidus only clock in at #2 and #3 respectively. For me, as of this date, the #1 stupidest videogame character is the main character of Enchanted Arms, Atsuma. He makes Phoenix look like a MENSA candidate.

  3. Sam Says:

    I just sprayed in the security guard station. Oh my God, Marshall, you pervert.

  4. Xyrafhoan Says:

    That picture of Gumshoe with Meekin’s name and Edgeworth’s description was way more funny than it had any right to be in its absolute horribleness. Capcom seriously needs to hire better localization QA, considering AA5 is also plagued with bugs that get worse the longer you play.

    THAT ASIDE

    Kudos to you Jeanne for slogging through this case! I know Sam has to finish off the beast, but this case in particular is levels of obtuse that would never be exceeded until the existence of Ace Attorney Investigations.

  5. ryoko126 Says:

    Oh wow… Poor, poor Jeanne. When I owned the game, I basically said, “Screw it.” early on into the last case. I just saved myself a ton of mental torture, I think. Anyway, I’m glad you survived this, and I’ll be praying for Sam as well, as she has to slog through the last recap. Still, I, like all the other readers, are enjoying the game and especially the Phoenix/Edgeworth ennuendos.

  6. Cat Says:

    I feel for you, Jeanne. This was the last case I played, after starting with the second and third game, then going to the first one. And you pointed out even more horrible mistakes with this case, it’s so bad. Not to mention the continuity the case spits onto the games.

    And yes, the entire evidence locker thing and case part makes no sense. My only question is, though, on that last poll, why was there no option to choose “All of it made no sense”?

  7. Jeanne Says:

    Thanks for the comments! I’m glad my pain is so entertaining.

    My hat’s off to you for having to deal with my least favorite character in the series (seriously, Mike Fucking Meekins is the Tingle of this series, since they kept bringing him back in so many games!)

    Yeah, for some reason the game designers seem really enamored of this guy. He is not at all as funny and charming as they think.

    That picture of Gumshoe with Meekin’s name and Edgeworth’s description was way more funny than it had any right to be in its absolute horribleness. Capcom seriously needs to hire better localization QA, considering AA5 is also plagued with bugs that get worse the longer you play.

    That screenshot is definitely my favorite. I cannot stop laughing at how many things are screwed up. As a quality engineer (for a different company/product — I am not responsible for this bullshit), I have to point out that the problem isn’t always with QA — there are a lot of things we find that are not deemed “showstoppers” especially when we get close to a release date. I’m sure someone caught this one — it’s pretty fricking obvious. That said, I’m really surprised that it hasn’t been fixed, especially since there have been a couple of bug fix patches since it was released — assuming that it’s showing up on other systems besides just mine.

    And the localization issues with AA5 were so weird. It’s like they ran the script through a spellchecker because everything was spelled right but a lot of times they used the wrong word.

    When I owned the game, I basically said, “Screw it.” early on into the last case. I just saved myself a ton of mental torture, I think.

    You are so, so smart.

    My only question is, though, on that last poll, why was there no option to choose “All of it made no sense”?

    Because that would have been too obvious! I wanted to add a little bit of a challenge. :)

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