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"In light of the mad deciphering and fervent elevation of women's status, I believe we've finally found a suitable nickname for Lucca. She will now be Rosie. Like the Rosetta Stone. And like the Riveter (and feminist icon). Damn, I'm good."
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10.20.13

Hot dog, we have a wiener

Guys, we may as well close up shop. It’s been a good run here at VGR, but I don’t think we are ever going to find as fine an example of videogame homoerotica as this Pokemon:

Honedge

 

This is Honedge. Not only does he have lovely scrollwork and a fine plume, but he is a sword that is also a one-eyed monster. That’s hustle. But why stop there? When Honedge evolves, he turns into this:

Doublade

 

It goes without saying that Doublade’s fancy fuchsia plumage is an upgrade over the blue. But then he also clones himself and becomes, per Jeanne, the Touching Wieners Pokemon. While Doublade is a product of the supposedly asexual evolution process, I remain convinced that this came about because two Honedges screwed in the tall grass. Edgeworth will make an exception to his distaste for taxidermy to stuff this thing and hang it in his office.

Oh, and new recaps soon!

Tags:

Posted by Sam

13 Responses to “Hot dog, we have a wiener”

  1. demidaemon Says:

    This is exactly why I read VGR. Because I have been following Pokemon X/Y like a crazy fan–despite knowing the earliest I will get these games will be Christmas–and today is the first time I have ever seen these thoughts about the Sword Pokemon here. I bow down in the recappers’ presence.

    Also, you just know that Squall and Seifer would have one each of these Pokemon, and, when they got married–I mean, come on, that’s exactly why gay marriage needs to exist all over the world (even though I would also appreciate it personally)–they would have their Pokemon come together to create Duoblade. It is a sign of Squeifer love (and that portmanteau couple name is weird, isn’t it?)!

  2. demidaemon Says:

    BTW, have you seen his final evolution, Aegislash? It is a giant sword–with one giant eye, natch–that also has an STD shield!

  3. Lord-Derpface Says:

    And now, everyone will have a Doublade nicknamed “Squeifer”.

  4. ryoko126 Says:

    I had to show this to my friends. I’m not a pokemon fan but EVERYONE else I know is. So I needed to send something their way, so that I could emotionally scar them a little. It’s going to be WEEKS before they say something I’ll understand. Thank you, VGR for helping me keep some of my sanity in these times, and I can’t wait for the next recap!

  5. Sam Says:

    I’m cracking up at STD shield. I did take a look at Aegislash and am now embarrassed that my reaction was, “That’s boring! Why aren’t there THREE dicks?”

  6. Ben Says:

    Wow. Just…wow.

    I’ve been out of the Pokémon loop since Gen 2, but if this is the kind of design they’re coming up with now, I’d better get myself re-acquainted with the series.

  7. demidaemon Says:

    I’m patting myself on the back for making Sam crack up. Also, Ben, you are missing out, especially from the BW series. Not only is there endless hoyay–especially if you choose the male character–between the main character and one of his enemies (in BW 1), there is also the possibility of a bear/young man relationship, and scarring physical and mental abuse towards one of the characters. Remember, it’s a children’s game!

  8. Sam Says:

    I tend to play every other new Pokemon installment, but this is a good one. It’s basically Pokemon hunting through France, including a fancy Pokemon version of Versailles.

  9. Xyrafhoan Says:

    Pokemon X&Y’s resident also happens to be Team *Faaaabulous* Flare. Considering Sycamore’s reaction to Lysandre… could they have been a past flame? Especially with Sycamore’s sappy poems carved into the train station in Couriway Town?

    I also spent many hours perfecting my trainer’s look. She looks radiant in her half-a-sweater and booty-enhancing skinny jeans. I imagine she spends her whole journey being the sassy black friend in her PokeFellowship.

  10. Ben Says:

    OK, you guys have convinced me. I’ll pick up X or Y and try to play it before A Twink Between Worlds and Bravely Default arrive to take up residence in my 3DS.

  11. Lord-Derpface Says:

    I almost got X/Y. I skipped B2/W2 and barely played B/W because the series had become stale to me. I almost got X/Y after hearing all the new features, but there was one feature that completely broke the deal for me.

    Instead of increasing your friendship with your Pokemon though travelling together, fighting battles, and not letting them faint, you now have to frequently stop the action and go play Nintendogs for half an hour, or else your mons will hate you.

  12. jovewolf Says:

    Not exactly… the old friendship mechanice is still there and will suffice for most ‘Mons. The new Pokemon-amie thing is just to get extra bonuses – like if you get them high enough then the ‘Mon you did the Nintendogs thing with will get an XP boost like it was traded. The only real use it has aside from that is to get Eevie to evolve to it’s new Fairy evolution.

    Oh yes that’s right – they also added a new Fairy type, just in case Doublade wasn’t enough for you.

  13. Xyrafhoan Says:

    I’ve been playing Ace Attorney since it came out… no spoilers but Bobby Fulbright is faaaabulous.

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