"Samcules just stands there, nodding his head in approval, instead of whacking the little shit upside the head, all, 'What the fuck, son? You beat me without their help!' The sappy music is playing in the background and everything, like this is supposed to be about The Power of Friendship and not about The Power of Being a Showoff Little Dickcheese."
Kingdom Hearts Part 13
Yay, new Persona recap! After reading the previous one, I read all the spoilers – I was thinking of playing the game myself – but I’m probably not gonna. (Unless there’s an Option to turn voice-acting off)
Love how obvious it is that Yosuke is Gary’s soulmate-link-thingy. (I read somewhere that Gary supposedly has sex with girls in this game – what a silly notion!) Well kind of… Daisuke and Kou are kinda… meh. Follow your… heart… Gary!
Too many moments that were hilarious, can’t quote them all.
I love how much of a soap opera this is turning into–Will Gary find true love with Yosuke? Will their relathionship be damaged by his illicit trysts with Daisuke and Kou? Who are Chie’s parents? Gary and Yosuke? What did that dream mean?
Still, I think the enemy descriptions are always going to stand out, especially in a Persona game, such as the following:
“The deceptively-cute Positive King looks like Julius Pringles dressed as a monarch, complete with ermine robes and a periwig. Alone, he poses little threat, but he has a particularly devious trick up his potato- and wheat-based sleeve: giving birth to Melisandre-style Shadow Babies, otherwise known as Secret Bambinos. These little blighters have a habit of crawling up to Gary and headbutting him in the groin, making annoying baby noises all the while. What’s more, King Pringles can produce up to four ankle-biters at a time. I guess once he pops, he just can’t stop (I’m so sorry). What this means is that poor Gary is overwhelmed by rabid brats before he can even move. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this yet, but this game has a lovely little system whereby I get a Game Over if Gary dies, so I’m sure you can see the deadly risk involved in a battle like this. And, like, how idiotic it would be for someone to attempt to exploit King Pringles’ infinite baby-dispensing ability for leveling purposes, only for it to all go horribly wrong. Let’s just say my nerves were so shot after this battle I almost needed tranquilizers.
You know the worst thing about this? King Pringles apparently can’t take the heat once the tables are turned–as soon as the fight is finally going in Gary’s favour, the Michelle Duggar of the TV World decides to get the hell out of dodge and suddenly escapes, possibly in search of some birth control. Gary vows to shove the royal scepter where it’s never been shoved before if he ever catches King Pringles around here again. Wait, that sounds wrong. Moving on.”
It reminds me of the many cracked out enemies from the Shadow Hearts series, especially the first game. I’m thinking of the first disc’s final dungeon, where gimp giants with wiggling visible penises that hit you with their own heads. Fun times.
Great recap! I can’t wait til the next part, especially if it gets to introducing Kanji. The Fuzz series of enemies in that dungeon is probably my favourite enemy design.
“You dreamed that you were Chie’s parent…” he whispers, and then follows this up with the truly horrifying, “It was a surreal, awkward dream, but your relationship with Chie has intensified…” What. What in the fuck. This cannot be happening. I mean, it was bad enough when the game designers were trying to force Gary/Chie to happen, but this is just the bitter, poisonous cherry on the cake of wrongness. Her parent!?
Gotta love those random happenings to spice up the recap!
Cat: The voice acting in Persona 4 is actually not that terrible! (Mostly. Teddie’s voice grates but most of the other cast members are fine.)
demidaemon: Don’t forget that if they get a couple of hits on you, they also cockslap you and finish you off (hee) with a pelvic thrust that causes knockback! I’d say the hero is surprisingly straight for a JRPG, except that as much time as the writers spend having him scream CHIX CHIX CHIX I LIEK GIRLS to the point where he actually considers badtouching Mary Sue Alice in her plot-induced sleep, I kind of get the impression maybe he has something to hide. Except I’d rather not think about him doing it with Zhuzhen.
…I need to recap Shadow Hearts, pronto. And half the Tales games. T_T
Robyn: I looked at the English voice actor list and knew I wouldn’t like it. It has Lowenthal and Troy Baker in it, two people I do not like hearing in my games. Particularly Baker. Not to mention Laura Bailey on the girls’ side… But I got my hands on the Undubbed version and am currently playing the game. My GAWD just looking at Kanji’s Shadow… it creeps me out! Well the transformed version is better, but still…
By the way, does the Tales game you have to recap include Abyss? If so, I’d love to read about a~l~l the homosexual supertext in that.
I like that, too, but unfortunately she stops pretty much after the first Act of the game. Then she’s all nice to him… but everything about her seems to be made to make her special in the group, hence she feels like a Mary Sue to me.
I didn’t really get that impression so much. She definitely has a Plot Power, but no more so than Luke or Jade, and it isn’t totally central to her character. It would help, I think, if her VA wasn’t so flat. It felt like every line was delivered in that same half-bored way (which yes, I will be covering because half the time it’s just like… really?)
Jade IS awesome. I can’t actually think of a member of the cast I don’t like, except maybe Luke in the first act.
This might sound crazy but I managed to like Luke even LESS as the game wore on, if only because he cries like an emo wee babby for so long and no one ever explains things to him either so they can do some dumb exposition dump later after bad shit happens.
Jade is like the only reason I can even play that game, since all the characters are saddled with dumb gimmicks and Tear bores me to well, tears.
I liked Luke in the first Act and in the later Act, although in the later acts, I do something want to yell “GROW SOME!!” into his face. Jade is awesome, I love that he’s voiced by Takehito Koyasu, the man who practically oozes sarcasm at any moment.
Wait, I’m really getting off topic here…
“Barging in on the moment, the IN crows that Yosuke’s determination in battle has been enhanced–he can even take a mortal blow for Gary!”
How come nobody pointed out and made fun of the mortal blow thing?
Way late to the party thanks to a deadly vacation/illness combo, but this recap is so great. I cannot stop giggling at the Pringle King or your take on the sports hotties and Gary’s guilt over cheating on Yosuke. If only he knew now how much Yosuke probably deserves to be cheated on.