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"Twink sails forth to meet the spoooooooky vessel. He hopes that he doesn't pee his pants in fear, but then he remembers that he's dealt with much scarier shit like Mrs. Seymour and that giant vagina flower."
     -Jeanne, Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker Part 10

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Archive for 01.14


Oblivion RR Part 7 — Suck it, Jensine

I really should have slept in longer. Five hours really isn’t long enough, especially after a day of being molested by zombies and necromancers. But I was so excited to sell my shit that I was up at the buttcrack of dawn. Which for me is 9AM. I visited Jensine again and offloaded a bunch of stuff I’d collected in the dungeon — including that pointy statue thing, which was worth over a hundred gold! — some potions I’d made, and some stuff I’d found in crates out in front of her shop. I guess those items are free for the taking and aren’t considered stolen, which makes a whole lot of sense. Still, who am I to argue with free money?

This is unbelievable, diary, but I ended up with 2021 gold by the end of the transaction! That was enough to buy a house! Sure, I’d only have 21 gold left after all that, but who cares — I would no longer be homeless!

I ran as fast as I could with my sack full of gold to the Office of Imperial Commerce and plunked the whole pile on the counter. My excitement waned when Vinicia told me I’d have to buy the damn furnishings myself. Shit! I’d just spent my hard-earned coin on an empty shack! How lame is that? At least Vinicia told me where to buy the stuff: from some guy named Sergius Verus at Three Brothers Trade Goods. From the name of the store and the man, I’m guessing this isn’t the most heterosexual of shopping establishments. “Brothers.” Right. They’d better not try to drive up the prices just because I’m a woman. Maybe I should have Thoronir put in a good word for me.

But then I got a great idea. I don’t know why it hadn’t occurred to me before. Now that Agarmir was dead, I could loot his house with no fear of him walking in and making me a permanent feature of his death basement. Sadly, Agarmir owned very little of value, and those items that would fetch a price were still considered stolen goods by the local merchants. So here I was, with a pile of cloth, clothing, and a crystal ball, and it turned out I had to lug that shit to Bruma to sell it. God damn it.


Posted by Jeanne at 15:25


Oblivion RR Part 6 — Silent Cyrodiil

Once again, I made it through the night without dying. I didn’t sleep well, obviously — I can’t imagine most people would enjoy the damp coldness, not to mention that dusty old smell. But I slept a lot better than I thought I would. I was just so tired from all the previous day’s killing. I probably should have taken a personal day rather than charging right into a dungeon, but…well, I don’t really have a good excuse. And I know it was stupid to sleep in those ruins, where more bandits could have shown up, or even worse things from the tombs. I don’t really have an excuse for that either, except that I was just so tired. I was probably safer inside the ruins than out in the open where I could have been eaten by a bear. Besides, nothing horrible happened.

I’m a fairly new adventurer, but I’m going to have to get used to all this fighting and sleeping in dungeons and stuff, diary. There’s really no way around it.

It’s like I have my own Sphere Recorder Bob to take photos of my adventures now!

It’s like I have my own Sphere Recorder Bob to take photos of my adventures now!

I trekked back to the Imperial City to sell the stuff I had collected. Naturally, it was raining again. There’s nothing like running around in soggy fur and leather armor. I’m sure Squally would know all about the perils of that particular material combination. I had the bandits to thank for the fur helmet, gauntlets, and greaves. I know, I’m really fearsome. But at least my head is protected now.

I sold my stuff to Jensine, just because I wanted more money from her. I may have been able to haggle a better price elsewhere, but honestly, I just wasn’t in the mood to visit every store in the vicinity and compare prices. Even so, just selling the poor quality weapons and armor I found in the ruins earned me much more than 100 Gold. Suck it, Jensine.

After another back-and-forth journey from the ruins to the Imperial City to sell merchandise I couldn’t carry the first time around, I realized I didn’t feel like doing that a third time. No, it was time for me to face my fears and just explore the damn tombs already. Surely there must be a valuable treasure lurking down there. That’s the way it always goes, right?

Well, the tombs were not all that creepy. Not at first, anyway. I mean, they were creepy, but not in the “rotting zombies humping my head” kind of way. I kept expecting something to jump out at me, but nothing did. There was only some dumbass furry bandit skulking about. A single fireball took care of him. Not scary.


Posted by Jeanne at 13:06


Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Part 10

Whooooooooooooop!!! Happy New Year! I am FINALLY done with the latest Phoenix Wright recap! There is only one more left to go, but I don’t have to write it! Fuck yeah!

So this one was brutal, thanks to everyone being as annoying as possible, not to mention a video that was terrible in every way. But I persevered so you all could have your gay lawyer fix. I hope it was worth it.

Posted by Jeanne at 23:39

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