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"Time to see what's up with the Golden Penis Plate. A couple of men in large mechanical suits fly from the main ship toward it and hold it on either end of, er, its head. This is turning into a bizarre porno way too fast for my tastes. A man in a regular space suit floats to its base and touches it. In a flash of golden light, he disappears. Uh-oh. Apparently it's a Bad Idea to yanky the wanky."
     -Sam, Xenosaga Part 1




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Archive for 04.10

04.01.10

Confession time

I know it’s been a while since I did a game commentary post, and since I played all the way through Ace Attorney Investigations over a month ago, it’s as good a time as any to remedy that. There’s just one problem, and it’s one that has caused me to procrastinate on making this post. I’m afraid you guys are going to kill me for this, but I have to come clean. Let me rephrase that — I have to make a confession. You see, after playing through Ace Attorney Investigations, I no longer think Miles Edgeworth is gay.

Wait! At least hear me out! VGR isn’t going to turn into the GameFAQs message boards or anything like that. I still think Squall and Seifer and Link and Phoenix Wright and all the Suikoden guys and so on are fruitier than a sackful of bananas. There’s no cause for alarm. But in this one isolated case, I have to admit I was wrong about Miles Edgeworth. “Hold on just a minute, Jeanne,” you say. “You have seen his outfit, right?” Well, yes. The fuchsia suit — not to mention the frilly cravat — is quite the hard evidence in the “Miles Edgeworth is gay” case. But isn’t it possible he’s just a metrosexual who enjoys fancy clothes? Yes. Yes it is.

I suppose you want me to explain why I’ve had a change of heart — or a change of gaydar, if you prefer. I don’t know what to tell you. There wasn’t really a single defining moment from the game that changed my mind. It was more of a vibe. Like, he just seemed to have a rapport with some of the (adult) female characters that I wouldn’t really expect from a man who thinks vaginas are icky. Also, when he’s surrounded by a plethora of dudes wearing pink who are clearly into the cock, it makes him seem less homosexual in comparison. I don’t know. Maybe Phoenix’s clear attraction to him in the first three games made me think he automatically returned the sexy feelings. Without Phoenix around to make fuck-me eyes at him across the courtroom, my perception is no longer skewed. It’s nothing scientific, okay? I don’t have to prove anything to you — I’m not on trial here.

So I hope you aren’t too disappointed in me for admitting this. Maybe in time you can forgive me. In the meantime, I hope this link will make it up to you.


Posted by Jeanne at 00:12


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