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"Tightass announces that he'll go with her. Yuna seems surprised, so Tightass explains that he's her guardian. Yuna is fucking stupid. 'Unless I'm...fired,' Tightass continues. I suddenly have this beautiful image of Tightass on fire and screaming."
     -Jeanne, Final Fantasy X Part 16

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Archive for 02.09


Tracking the Gay Fox

Well, this is just fucking bullshit, diary. I had a new entry almost ready to go, and some ball-licker made off with it. Who in Cyrodiil would want to steal pages out of my personal journal? There’s nothing remotely interesting in it at all. You’d have to have a serious screw loose to spend time reading any of the stuff I write in here. Uh, no offense diary.

This is a guy.

Anyway, I’m sure you’re feeling just as violated as I am, so let’s move on. So what was contained inside those thrilling pages I lost? For starters, I’m still dealing with that dumb bastard Agarmir and his apparent refusal to leave his house. I probably should stake out the place just so I’ll know when he leaves, but that’s boring. I’d rather explore the rest of the city, you know?

Speaking of which, I discovered the arena, a place where…well, shit, diary. You’re inanimate, and you probably know what the arena’s all about. Not only can I watch people and monsters brutally kill each other, but I can participate. Yeah. That sounds like a great idea. I’ll just go battle minotaurs with my fur armor and shitty skeleton summon. Don’t get me wrong, though — I’m definitely filing this away for later. There’s probably money involved. And money can buy alcohol.

The other gayest guy I've seen today.

I also discovered a mysterious plant called a Nirnroot. As soon as I plucked it from the ground, I had a strong feeling that I needed to bring it to a knowledgeable alchemist (read: not me) to find out more about it. Hopefully it’s not an illegal substance, and if it is, hopefully it’s one in high demand.

Wow. Just rewriting that makes me realize how little I’ve really accomplished since my last real entry. I should get crackin’!

After some more schmoozing the random buttholes around the city, I discovered a scary looking elf woman who offered to give me lessons in Security. For a price, of course. Hey, I had money, and I figured some lockpicking lessons would come in handy when I had to break into Agarmir’s empty house. If he ever freaking left it.

I wasn’t quite as rich afterward, but I’m sure my lockpicking skill would cover that at some point in the future. What? Don’t look at me like that, diary. Some of these people are real jerks. They don’t deserve to have nice stuff. Don’t judge me. (more…)

Posted by Jeanne at 13:14


Happy 7th Birthday!

Yay, the actual post is finally here! I apologize for the delay, but hopefully these birthday/anniversary goodies will make up for it.

First of all, there’s another Eternal Darkness recap, this one starring a lovelorn homosexual pageboy. In most games, the gay hero nonconsensually ends up paired with an icky girl, so you’ll be happy to know that this game only subjects the gay hero to a painful zombification spell. Baby steps.

Quartz Falcon has also provided us with another Recap Retrospective, this one a look back at Final Fantasy X and the “infamous” blitzball game. Good times, good times. And by “good” I’m referring to QF’s retrospective, and not the experience of recapping Tidus.

That brings us to the other announcements that I promised in my last post. I’d like to thank everyone who has continued to read the site in spite of the, er, less than regular updates over the past couple of years. As you may have noticed, I’ve been putting a lot of time and effort into updating all of my recaps recently. Well, I am happy to announce that this year, I am going forward with a much-needed site redesign. This will involve both an improvement to the look of the site and a reorganization of the site content.

Also, I have set a personal goal of updating all of my pending recaps in 2009. Already I have three down, with only six more to go. I’m not counting tag team recaps here — just my individual ones.

I can’t speak for the other recappers, but I’m hoping they will be willing to help support the site by providing even more delicious recapping goodness for all of us. I am so grateful for the time they put in, year after year, and they do it all for free. I’m not even blackmailing them or anything.

So stay tuned for a better-looking site, more frequent recaps and blog posts, and more penis jokes than you can handle! I mean it this time!

(Also, if you visited the site before this update, you might have noticed that I mentioned something about another Recapper Roleplay. I don’t have the new one ready yet, but rest assured that I have more than one in the pipeline. That is not a euphemism. Stay tuned (again)!)

Posted by Jeanne at 00:12

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