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"Cogsworth is overcome with worry. 'If we don't have anything,' he says, 'then we can't maintain the castle. We'd run out of food, and that would be the end of it. We'll have to let Muto, Juan and [Samwise] go. We can't afford them.' I'd say they could kill Martha and eat her, but she probably has poisonous bile running through her blood and that would just ruin the meal."
     -Sam, Suikoden III Part 7

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Archive for 10.08


I Hate Myself and I Want to Die

All right, enough fucking around. I’ve been procrastinating on posting this because, well, who likes to admit to being a huge, retarded Tidus?

I’ll just get to the point. You know how you’re supposed to back up the important shit on your computer so you don’t lose it if and when your hard drive crashes? Of course you do. Dogs fucking know this. I think you see where this is going. A month and a half ago, I lost my entire Mac hard drive, including my 100% complete Phoenix Wright recap. To make this even more idiotic — and I’m not sure why I’m sharing this part with you, since you’re just going to point and laugh — I had about four days’ notice that my hard drive was on the fritz. Instead of doing something smart like BACKING UP MY FUCKING DATA, I decided to play Spore instead. I think even Shion would be intelligent enough to do a data backup in this situation. Of course, since “data backup” in her case probably involves something dirty and penetrating with KOS-MOS, she probably has a little more incentive.

Anyway, what this means is that I have to rewrite the entire courtroom portion of my recap, which was painful enough the first time around. I don’t think anything can compare to Kelly’s agony during the writing of the Atlantica recap, but this one was pretty damn close. The thought of enduring it a second time makes suicide seem like an attractive option. I’ve been avoiding the rewrite like the plague, even as the interval between recaps becomes longer and longer and I feel guiltier and guiltier. Seriously, this fucking thing should have been done back in July. In September, as I was readying it to post (*sigh*), I felt shitty enough. Now it’s almost November.

The good news is that I’m finally feeling like working on it again. Don’t think that means I’ll tone down any of the anger and bitterness in the recap itself — there will still be plenty of rage and suffering for you to enjoy.

Thanks everyone for your patience, and I apologize for being such an epic dumbass. DURR!!!

Posted by Jeanne at 15:54


Not Penis!

Hi diddly ho diddly, anybody who still checks the VGR main page!

I bet you are all hoping that this post is going to serve as an announcement that the Chrono Trigger/Valkyrie Profile/Final Fantasy 6 recaps have been taken off the inactive roster. Would that I could, friends.

It’s actually another post about funny body parts!

So, I don’t know if I’m the only person who hasn’t jumped on the BitTorrent train yet, or what, but anytime I hear a new song that I don’t want to buy, I usually head over to YouTube and listen to somebody else’s pirated version of the song to get my fix. It turns out that there are people out there with dedication enough to rip music from CDs, radio, etc, and turn specific songs and hit singles into little videos and then share them with the world. This is, it must be said, fairly convenient for those of us unwilling to commit whole slog to the Internet Pirate lifestyle.

However, some people go way beyond what I would consider ‘normal’ in making their little videos. Way, waaaaaay beyond normal. And into scarily awesomely bad.

All this goes toward explaining how I found this video:

And no, I wasn’t YouTube-searching for “Sir Mix-a-Lot slash Fran”. I was actually searching for that song Pink sang at the VMAs about a month ago to email to a friend (which, I readily admit, is just as bad), and a final fantasy music video remix of the song was one of the hits.

And then from there it was like a train wreck; I couldn’t stop myself from looking. In short order, I found the assterpiece you see above and knew I had no choice but to post it. Enjoy.

Posted by Ryan at 00:34

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