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"Arnold turns to the knights and declares that he doesn't have time for this 'farce,' then he uses the handle of his gigantic phallus blade to smash the statue's face in. And now I feel a little disgusted because I know that got somebody out there kinda turned on by that mental imagery."
     -Ryan, Valkyrie Profile Part 1

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Archive for 05.08


Perverted Poliwhirl

This post requires some explanation, so bear with me. Dear god, what is that thing?

Some time ago on the forums, someone posted a very disturbing picture in the Tingle’s Rosy Rupeeland thread. The image depicted a character named Pinkle, and as far as I can tell, Pinkle is a drag queen version of Tingle who wears a pink bra, hotpants, and fishnets. That in itself would be terrifying enough, but another comment on the similarity of Pinkle’s boob swirls to Poliwhirl’s tummy swirl triggered a mental flashback to something that happened to me many years ago.

Although I already posted the following story pretty much verbatim on the forums, I figured that it would be timely and appropriate to post it here given the recent interest in discussing Pokemon.

Back when I was in my Pokemon phase, I went around buying a veritable buttload of Bulbasaur merchandise. One of the best items I found was a Bulbasaur pencil sharpener, which came in a desk set with a Pikachu stapler, a Jigglypuff tape dispenser, and a Poliwhirl tape measure.

The Poliwhirl tape measure looks like your average plastic Poliwhirl with a measuring tape sticking out of his armpit. But even I, in my Bulbasaur pencil sharpener frenzy, did not notice what the game store clerk did. As I checked out with my new desk set, the clerk confided to me that when they’d gotten the desk set in, he and his fellow store employees spotted something very, very inappropriate about our friend Poliwhirl.

The tape measure, unlike the auto-retractable kind, needs to be wound by hand. The winder, naturally, involves Poliwhirl’s spiral tummy pattern — when you wind the tape, the tummy spiral spins around. As you may expect, the winder needs a handle. And this handle — a protruding white knob — is located along the outer edge of the white area. When it’s at the lowest point of its arc…well, you can imagine what it looks like.

(For those of you who haven’t figured it out, it looks like Poliwhirl is sporting an ERECT PENIS.)


Posted by Jeanne at 10:18


Pokémon: My OCD Nightmare

I really need a new game to play. I have this problem where I am either incredibly excited about a new game’s release and must play it immediately, or I don’t give a crap about it at all and will likely never play it. For whatever reason, right now, pretty much every release is falling into the latter category. This means two things: 1) I don’t play that many games and 2) what I do play are old games.

This week I’ve needed a gaming fix. Nothing new (or unfinished on the shelf) sounded any fun, so I went to an old standby, thanks to my new love of this comic, and started a new save of Pokémon Pearl. Problem solved, right? Pokémon will grant me hours and hours of mindless, but familiar, gaming fun.

Not so much. I have problems with Pokémon. (more…)

Posted by Sam at 17:34


Maybe VGR needs a new logo…

This link is not game-related, but is a perfect test to see if VGR has converted you into a 12-year-old gay British homo who can’t get any. Technically, it’s safe for work, but you might want to be careful just in case.

Unfortunate Company Logos

My question to you is: when you looked at these, did you see the…um…”unfortunate” version first, or did it take you a moment? Are you a true VGR-ite, or do we need to try harder to corrupt you?

Posted by Jeanne at 09:50

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