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"She spins around dramatically and cries, 'Punk! I've come to save you! Take 5, you mugs!' She pulls out her gun and blows them away. Breaking into prison to free a 'convicted' felon and mercilessly slaughtering the guards? We've got a girl on the edge here! Suspect is armed and should be treated as an overused plot device! Proceed with caution! Repeat: Proceed with caution!"
     -Ryan, Chrono Trigger Part 2

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Archive for 04.08


Random obligatory post title

It seems that time has gotten away from me again. It’s not that I’ve forgotten about you guys, it’s just that…well, okay, I’ll confess: I haven’t been playing many games lately. I know! I feel so dirty. But it’s true. Although my game backlog is longer than the list of plotholes in Final Fantasy X-2, I’ve been occupying my time with other hobbies. And class. And work.

There is one game that I’ve been chipping away at every so often for the last…I don’t know…two or three years, and that’s Harvest Moon: Back to Nature. I am determined to beat this game sometime in my life span, even though it is obnoxiously long and repetitive. Don’t get me wrong — it’s completely addictive. But each in-game day takes me an average of 15 minutes of real time to complete. There are 30 days per season, four seasons per year, and three years necessary to “beat” the game. That’s something like 90 hours of real time if my math is correct. Compared to the number of hours I’ve spent in Oblivion it isn’t much, but that doesn’t mean it’s not daunting and kind of pathetic.

I’m sure I could think up a host of sordid backstories for the Harvest Moon cast to entertain you guys, but I hope you’ll forgive me if I don’t put in the effort. The silent farmer “hero” has less personality than the entire cast of Chrono Cross put together. Of course, he did manage to marry and knock up the town alcoholic — who looks like she’s twelve — without sleeping in the same bed as her, so maybe I’ve misjudged him.

The other “news” item which I must mention is, naturally, Gyakuten Kenji. Or Gaykuten Kenji, if you want to keep the VGR naming scheme consistent. This title roughly translates to “Gay-Ass Prosecutor” and you apparently get to play as Miles Edgeworth. So it seems that there are guilty defendants in the Phoenix Wright universe. Who knew? More importantly, since Gumshoe appears to be the sidekick, we will likely be treated to many awkward moments of unrequited gay lust and hero worship. And what better recapping fodder is there?

Also, just to create some discussion — what other fuchsia items will we discover that Edgeworth owns? So far, there are his outfits, his entire office, his knife, his pink DS, his pink apron, and I think I saw something somewhere with a fuchsia bejeweled address book, although that may have been fanart (not that it would be any less accurate). Any guesses what we’ll find out that will make Edgeworth even gayer?

Posted by Jeanne at 10:42


The obligatory April Fool’s update

I know, I know, I know. It’s April Fool’s Day. And here at VGR we’ve taken pride in our past April Fool’s Day pranks. This year though, there’s no prank. No, really. No prank. I’m serious. We’re not doing anything for April Fool’s Day here at VGR. Maybe we’re just lazy, or maybe we just didn’t feel like coming up with some elaborate ruse for a one-day celebration of mischief and misrule. Whatever the reason, we just didn’t do it. I’m serious, stop searching the site for the prank you missed. A pre-pubescent Tidus fan didn’t take over the site, there’s no recap composed of the word “penis” over and over again, all the forum posters are real people, and Ted Roberts was actually me in a very thin and pompously purple prose disguise.

See? No prank. None at all. There’s just you, me, the internet and this video about 2008’s E3. Enjoy.

Posted by Kelly at 05:40

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