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"Whitney teleports out of harm's way as Aila fires an arrow, warns her one last time to get the hell out of Dodge, casts some weird spell, and then vanishes. Joker tells Ace that Whitney is obviously really powerful, given the magic she just used. Frail, beautiful, spineless and magickal? Girl's about a 12.0 on the Mary Sue-o-Meter so far."
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Archive for 02.08


Unfinished Games 08 Mailbag

That’s right, the mailbag has returned! Since I can’t think of anything witty to kick this off, let’s just get straight to the letters portion of the show.

Hi, VGR Folks!
The shelf of unfinished games I have is longer than my arms. Classic PS1 RPGs. PS2 Epics. The list is too long to name. The games seem to fall into four categories:
Games I set aside because something newer or more interesting came along
Games I quit playing because I hit a boss monster that was impossible to beat
Games I quit playing because I took up WOW and intend to go back to but never do
and, lastly, Games that are unplayable

Some of the First Variety: Phantom Brave, Legalia 2, All 3 Shadow Hearts games
Fun games but not fun enough to play to the end when something bettter comes along.

Some of the Second Variety: Star Ocean Second Story, Star Ocean 3, Grandia 3, Dragon Quest VIII
This sort of game really annoys me because I know that in most cases, the level of difficulty was ramped up for the U.S. versions. Insanely difficult I can buy into. Impossible to Beat I find aggravating. The worst of these type was Star Ocean SS where, upon entering the final tower in the second half of the game, you run into three sub bosses who can hit your all of your characters six times for every one of your moves (not for every turn – for every move of each character each turn) and the only way to beat them is to have equipped some useless
(up until then) items called bunny slippers to speed your characters up. The trick is that these items are not available anywhere in the second disk. You had to acquire them early in the game and keep them in your inventory. Grrrr.

Some of the Third Variety: Final Fantasy XII, Ar Tonellico, Psychonauts, Oden Sphere, Persona 3, Wild Arms 5
My current favorites right now are Persona 3 and Wild Arms 5. I will
ever go back to them if WOW ever releases my soul.

Some of the Fourth Variety – happily, the list of buggy, unplayable games was a short one. Unhappily, these games were highly regarded by many but I was unable to play or finish them because of glitches in the game.
Dark Cloud 2: At one point, you have to go into a dungeon/cave and have an encounter to advance the game. At the point where you click on a dialog box, the game locks up. The only way to advance beyond this point is to beat the boss but NOT click on the dialog box… save the
game and quit. Then start it up again, load the save, and skip the cinematics that come next. No, the disk was not scratched or damaged. It was a fatal bug in the software code.
Valkarie Profile 2: This is the first time Squeenix ever dropped an unplayable turd in my Playstation 2! The game locks up part way through playing the tutorial. What a pity.

The above are just a sampling. I have a bookcase full of unfinished RPGs.

I have found that several things are getting in the way of my RPGing – World of Warcraft being the major time-waster. I find I really like playing with other gamers on the other end of the mouse so much that console RPGs seem rather bland. Second, I will be 52 this summer and are greatly aware that I have fewer years ahead than I have behind. And I find I am losing patience with 140+ hour epic games. Lastly, having become a homeowner, I find that real life keeps intruding on my gaming time with annoying frequency. For example, right now my cats are clawing on my legs because I am typing this instead of feeding them.

My best to you all,
CatSlave 3

What’s up CS? You pretty much hit the nail on the head for me–World of Warcraft has killed a lot of my console gaming ventures. Hell, forget not finishing games. There are several brought up in today’s mailbag that I haven’t even started because of WoW’s siren song. Why bore myself stupid with Final Fantasy XII for 90 hours when I can bore myself stupid in Outlands and have virtual company doing so?

There’s a reason I roll with the DS more these days: I can check in on my town in Animal Crossing, or try and get a gold medal and win Cooking Mama’s starry-eyed approval, while I fly halfway across a continent to make a raid. Multitasking.


CS, I got about a third of the way into your email, then my eyes crossed and I needed to have a drink and a lie-down. Suffice it to say, you have a lot of games you’ve never finished. Well, that’s something I can certainly relate to. Maybe it’s all the drinking and lie-downs that’s doing it. Perhaps when “Intervention: The Game” comes to market, I’ll be cured for good. Oh, who are we kidding? I won’t finish that one either.

-Kelly (more…)

Posted by Kelly at 08:57


Other People’s Problems

Dear Diary,

I have been so busy, I can barely stand it!

I was really quite tired when I left the sewers — can you blame me? I’m used to recapping, which involves a lot of sitting on my ass. I guess I shouldn’t complain, since I managed to not die horribly. I took a look at my map to double-check the location of Weynon Priory, and immediately changed my plans. No way was I going to make that trek at night with nothing but some crappy armor and spells to protect me. I decided to find my way into the Imperial City proper and sleep at an inn for the night. Then I could spend some time working on my skills so that I wouldn’t be tragically killed by a mud crab on my way to drop off the Amulet.

Did not need to see that.

To my great chagrin, it took me hours to find a gate that led into the city. Just what I needed — more damn walking! It was the middle of the night by the time I got there, which is probably a good thing, because I was half-expecting to be recognized by someone as a criminal. You know, because of that whole getting thrown in prison incident? Well, the city guards were courteous and polite to me, so that was my giant hint that I was probably safe.


I suppose I should describe the Imperial City. It is the Imperial City, after all. A normal person might describe the way the city is laid out in a circle, divided up into sections, much like Midgar. Or a pie. (Note to self: Find something to eat, preferably not mud crab.) A normal person might also mention the fact that the city was built by the Ayleid civilization and as such, is constructed from assloads of whitish-gray stone. But I am not a normal person — I am a recapper. Therefore, I must comment upon the absolutely huge Imperial Palace tower thrusting upwards from the direct center of the city. That is one massive penis. In fact, I have renamed it in my sick mind to the Imperial Phallus. I should probably be careful not to mention that in casual conversation.


Posted by Jeanne at 20:47


Happy Freaking Anniversary!

Six years ago, VGR went live with a very small number of recaps. Because of the lasting power of penis jokes, it has grown to a site with 214 recaps, five recappers, a whole bunch of forum posters, and even more site visitors — some of whom actually enjoy the recaps! Although it hasn’t exactly been the most prolific year in terms of recaps, things started picking up toward the end of 2007 and beginning of 2008, particularly with the addition of this nifty front page blog. In short: yay for VGR!

But you guys don’t want to read about our self-congratulations. You want the goodies. And boy, do we have some (non-sexual) goodies for you!

Phoenix Wright Part 2 by Sam
Final Fantasy VII Part 11 by Jeanne

Both of these are super-sized for your reading pleasure!

Recapper Roleplay:
Final Fantasy XI by Kelly

And now for the obligatory thank-yous:

Thanks to my fellow recappers for their hilarious contributions to this site, which they do in their own free time for, well, free. You guys are so totally awesome.

Thanks to the forum posters, not just for supporting the site, but for helping me out with gathering quotes for the sidebar. Yeah, I’m behind on updating that, but I still really, really appreciate your help.

And of course, thanks to everyone who reads the site, both supporters and angry fanpersons. The former because it’s great to know that there are people out there with pervy senses of humor who don’t take their games too seriously, and the latter because of the entertainment value (In small doses. I’m not encouraging people to show up and act like massive douchebags.) Obviously we like the site supporters better. :D

We also have some great things in store for the coming year, so stay tuned!

Posted by Jeanne at 13:38


An adventure begins

Dear Diary,

Today really sucks.

I woke up this morning with a headache the size of Jabba the Hut and this fuzzy, pink-winged thing flying in circles around my head, chittering “Rise and shine Master! Kupo!” in the most high-pitched, annoying voice I’ve ever heard. I also had the distinct impression that it took a huge dump in my mouth while I was passed out. I stumbled out of bed, and hoped that the little annoying pink-winged thing hadn’t taken a dump on that, too, because the floor was made of some dark stone, and I wouldn’t be able to see it if it did. It certainly wasn’t the luxuriously appointed carpet and marble tile floor of my suite in the Maison d’Recapiere, which came complete with my very own Eurotrash slave boy named Jacques. I was immediately bummed out. Instead of glorious foot rubs from Jacques, all I get is this little flying teddy bear who screams at me about something called Kupo Nuts all the time. If he doesn’t shut up, I’m going to kick him square in his kupo nuts and see how he likes it, the freak. I’ve come to the realization that wherever I am, the Maison d’Recapiere isn’t it, unless I’d somehow stumbled into one of the servant’s bedrooms. I wonder what the servants do with those little flying fuzzy creatures? On second thought, perhaps it’s better that I don’t know.

And speaking of things I’d rather not know about, how the hell did I end up standing here in some pervert’s idea of proper attire? It’s some kind of white and black crop-top and tap pants set that barely covers my bits and this stupid winged fucker is flying all around like he’s getting a free peepshow! And what the hell is up with the garters? It’s not like there’s anywhere for me to find stockings.

I made up my mind to sneak outside this nasty, poky little room and try to beg some kind soul to loan me a nice gown, or failing that, a mostly-washed potato sack to cover myself when the little teddy bear thing squeaks “Kupo! Don’t forget your armor, kupo!” and points to what looks like the losing contestant between a saddle and a threshing machine arm-wrestling contest. Also, armor? Where the hell have I been taken, and why on earth do I need armor just to go outside? Nevertheless, clothing is clothing. Anything to get over the feeling that I should be up on a stage with dollar bills sticking out of my waistband and a pole for company.


Posted by Kelly at 13:37


What’s up Wednesday

I never got into Camp DS, so I don’t know if something really awesome came out for the Gameboy recently, but over here in Wii-ville, I’ve been having a heck of a time keeping myself busy since I beat Mario Galaxy.

I mean, I totally gave in to nostalgia and bought Mario 64 for the Virtual Console and am loving the rusty shopping cart controls (they make Luigi Galaxy seem so easy — oop, spoiler alert!), but life just seems so EMPTY while waiting for the March 9 release of Brawl.

What kind of games have all y’all found to keep you busy this February? Anything you want to share with the class?

Posted by Ryan at 12:49

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