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   /Part 11 :: [11.24.14]
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   /Part 6 :: [09.27.14]
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   /Part 13 :: [08.06.14]
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   /Part 17 :: [06.14.14]

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"The gunblade is the most phallic weapon ever. As my friend Carolyn said, 'It's a gun, which is phallic. And a sword, which is phallic.'"
     -Jeanne, Final Fantasy VIII Part 1

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Archive for the ‘Game Commentary’ Category


Don’t miss it, baby.

So, after a heartstopping masterclass in trolling, Atlus finally announced Persona 5 at the end of a live stream today.

But, I’m ashamed to say, I’m kind of more excited about this at the moment. Yu’s got the moves.

Am I hallucinating due to the after-effects of my latest P4 recap, or is this actually happening?

Posted by Ben at 11:19


Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney: Dual Destinies Open Thread

Jesus, that is a mouthful of a title.

Anyway, feel free to talk about the newest Anal Attorney game here. We ask that, if you want to talk spoilers, you preface your post with a specific spoiler warning (e.g. “Spoilers through case 4″). Remember that Jeanne and I have to check the comments so we’d appreciate not finding out that Phoenix and Edgeworth die at the end with each other’s penises in their hands.

And for those of you who want to be sure to remain entirely unspoiled, I would suggest just waiting to read this thread until later. Non-spoilery funny lines, wardrobe commentary, and so on are totally fine to discuss without spoiler warnings.

Like this!

Simon Blackquill


Posted by Sam at 11:35


Hot dog, we have a wiener

Guys, we may as well close up shop. It’s been a good run here at VGR, but I don’t think we are ever going to find as fine an example of videogame homoerotica as this Pokemon:



This is Honedge. Not only does he have lovely scrollwork and a fine plume, but he is a sword that is also a one-eyed monster. That’s hustle. But why stop there? When Honedge evolves, he turns into this:



It goes without saying that Doublade’s fancy fuchsia plumage is an upgrade over the blue. But then he also clones himself and becomes, per Jeanne, the Touching Wieners Pokemon. While Doublade is a product of the supposedly asexual evolution process, I remain convinced that this came about because two Honedges screwed in the tall grass. Edgeworth will make an exception to his distaste for taxidermy to stuff this thing and hang it in his office.

Oh, and new recaps soon!

Posted by Sam at 11:29


VGR Crossing

Hey y’all. I’m currently in the middle of yet another grueling Suikoden II double recap, which I was hoping to have done by the end of this month, but thanks to starting it way later than I should have, I’m totally not going to make it. So, ugh, bummer, it’ll be probably be done in August.

In the meantime, if you are not already, you should be following us on Twitter for, among other things, ANIMAL CROSSING ADVENTURES. I somehow suckered my fellow recappers into playing New Leaf, and it’s been a great time. Follow vgr_sam, vgr_jeanne, vgr_ben, and vgr_ryan to see what we’re up to in our respective towns. Spoiler: most of our neighbors are stalkers and/or pedophiles, and we’re putting penises on stuff.

And consider this an open thread for talking about AC:NL. Or whatever you want, really. Play anything good lately? Anybody else playing the Civ V: Brave New World?

Posted by Sam at 13:36


Confession time

I know it’s been a while since I did a game commentary post, and since I played all the way through Ace Attorney Investigations over a month ago, it’s as good a time as any to remedy that. There’s just one problem, and it’s one that has caused me to procrastinate on making this post. I’m afraid you guys are going to kill me for this, but I have to come clean. Let me rephrase that — I have to make a confession. You see, after playing through Ace Attorney Investigations, I no longer think Miles Edgeworth is gay.

Wait! At least hear me out! VGR isn’t going to turn into the GameFAQs message boards or anything like that. I still think Squall and Seifer and Link and Phoenix Wright and all the Suikoden guys and so on are fruitier than a sackful of bananas. There’s no cause for alarm. But in this one isolated case, I have to admit I was wrong about Miles Edgeworth. “Hold on just a minute, Jeanne,” you say. “You have seen his outfit, right?” Well, yes. The fuchsia suit — not to mention the frilly cravat — is quite the hard evidence in the “Miles Edgeworth is gay” case. But isn’t it possible he’s just a metrosexual who enjoys fancy clothes? Yes. Yes it is.

I suppose you want me to explain why I’ve had a change of heart — or a change of gaydar, if you prefer. I don’t know what to tell you. There wasn’t really a single defining moment from the game that changed my mind. It was more of a vibe. Like, he just seemed to have a rapport with some of the (adult) female characters that I wouldn’t really expect from a man who thinks vaginas are icky. Also, when he’s surrounded by a plethora of dudes wearing pink who are clearly into the cock, it makes him seem less homosexual in comparison. I don’t know. Maybe Phoenix’s clear attraction to him in the first three games made me think he automatically returned the sexy feelings. Without Phoenix around to make fuck-me eyes at him across the courtroom, my perception is no longer skewed. It’s nothing scientific, okay? I don’t have to prove anything to you — I’m not on trial here.

So I hope you aren’t too disappointed in me for admitting this. Maybe in time you can forgive me. In the meantime, I hope this link will make it up to you.

Posted by Jeanne at 00:12

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