Archive for the ‘Game Commentary’ Category

04.01.10 Confession time I know it’s been a while since I did a game commentary post, and since I played all the way through Ace Attorney Investigations over a month ago, it’s as good a time as any to remedy that. There’s just one problem, and it’s one that has caused me to procrastinate on making this post. I’m afraid you guys are going to kill me for this, but I have to come clean. Let me rephrase that — I have to make a confession. You see, after playing through Ace Attorney Investigations, I no longer think Miles Edgeworth is gay. Wait! At least hear me out! VGR isn’t going to turn into the GameFAQs message boards or anything like that. I still think Squall and Seifer and Link and Phoenix Wright and all the Suikoden guys and so on are fruitier than a sackful of bananas. There’s no cause for alarm. But in this one isolated case, I have to admit I was wrong about Miles Edgeworth. “Hold on just a minute, Jeanne,” you say. “You have seen his outfit, right?” Well, yes. The fuchsia suit — not to mention the frilly cravat — is quite the hard evidence in the “Miles Edgeworth is gay” case. But isn’t it possible he’s just a metrosexual who enjoys fancy clothes? Yes. Yes it is. I suppose you want me to explain why I’ve had a change of heart — or a change of gaydar, if you prefer. I don’t know what to tell you. There wasn’t really a single defining moment from the game that changed my mind. It was more of a vibe. Like, he just seemed to have a rapport with some of the (adult) female characters that I wouldn’t really expect from a man who thinks vaginas are icky. Also, when he’s surrounded by a plethora of dudes wearing pink who are clearly into the cock, it makes him seem less homosexual in comparison. I don’t know. Maybe Phoenix’s clear attraction to him in the first three games made me think he automatically returned the sexy feelings. Without Phoenix around to make fuck-me eyes at him across the courtroom, my perception is no longer skewed. It’s nothing scientific, okay? I don’t have to prove anything to you — I’m not on trial here. So I hope you aren’t too disappointed in me for admitting this. Maybe in time you can forgive me. In the meantime, I hope this link will make it up to you. Tags: ace attorney investigations Posted in Game Commentary | 7 Comments » Posted by Jeanne at 00:12

09.10.08 Spore-tacular So who’s playing this? I don’t think this should be a surprise to anyone, but I’m loving Spore. And I’m not even making any penis monsters and houses with nipples. No, don’t look at me like that — I’m totally serious! Remember, I also like cute creatures. I’d like to point out that these two interests are not related. (more…) Tags: spore Posted in Game Commentary | 9 Comments » Posted by Jeanne at 12:30

08.10.08 Jeanne’s Pokemon Adventures (Part 1) Uuuuuuuuugh…Pokemon;. I kind of hate myself, but I went and got myself Pokemon LeafGreen, Emerald, Diamond, and My Pokemon Ranch. Take a moment to point and laugh at me — get it out of your systems. My main goal in playing all of these soul-draining games is to fill up my ranch. I can’t deny my (platonic) love of watching chibi Pokemon run around acting cute and blasting themselves out of the Poke Rocket (not a euphemism). Of course my ranch would not be complete without a Bulbasaur or twenty, which is why I had to get LeafGreen. I have not yet achieved my goal of getting Bulbasaur on my ranch — I have a fuckbillion hours of tedious level building before that dream is realized. Woe. I share Sam’s discomfort with capturing redundant Pokemon, but it’s kind of unavoidable when trying to fill up the ranch to its limit of 999 Pokemon, or trying to get some of the ranch special events. At least I have an Edgeworth Mii to help wrangle the fifty thousand phallic Pokemon and fuchsia ballsack Pokemon I’ve got inhabiting the place. But the best part of all? After reading about how rare it is to run into a shiny Pokemon in the wild, I managed to catch one in the first fifteen minutes of playing LeafGreen. Yeah, that’s right — a shiny Rattata. Awesome. I might as well catch a piece of crap with glitter sprinkled on it. I commented to John that I need a a shiny Metapod, a shiny Magikarp, or a shiny Zubat to add to my shiny collection of win. And then I caught a shiny Zubat in Diamond. Ha ha, Pokemon gods, very funny. So do any of you have fantastic Pokemon ranches? Does Hayley insist on bringing you nothing but trash Pokemon? Do you have any amusingly pathetic stories of shiny Pokemon you’ve captured? Anyone have a shiny Metapod? Tags: my pokémon ranch, pokémon, pokémon diamond, pokémon emerald, pokémon leafgreen Posted in Game Commentary | 11 Comments » Posted by Jeanne at 19:28

05.29.08 Perverted Poliwhirl This post requires some explanation, so bear with me. Some time ago on the forums, someone posted a very disturbing picture in the Tingle’s Rosy Rupeeland thread. The image depicted a character named Pinkle, and as far as I can tell, Pinkle is a drag queen version of Tingle who wears a pink bra, hotpants, and fishnets. That in itself would be terrifying enough, but another comment on the similarity of Pinkle’s boob swirls to Poliwhirl’s tummy swirl triggered a mental flashback to something that happened to me many years ago. Although I already posted the following story pretty much verbatim on the forums, I figured that it would be timely and appropriate to post it here given the recent interest in discussing Pokemon. Back when I was in my Pokemon phase, I went around buying a veritable buttload of Bulbasaur merchandise. One of the best items I found was a Bulbasaur pencil sharpener, which came in a desk set with a Pikachu stapler, a Jigglypuff tape dispenser, and a Poliwhirl tape measure. The Poliwhirl tape measure looks like your average plastic Poliwhirl with a measuring tape sticking out of his armpit. But even I, in my Bulbasaur pencil sharpener frenzy, did not notice what the game store clerk did. As I checked out with my new desk set, the clerk confided to me that when they’d gotten the desk set in, he and his fellow store employees spotted something very, very inappropriate about our friend Poliwhirl. The tape measure, unlike the auto-retractable kind, needs to be wound by hand. The winder, naturally, involves Poliwhirl’s spiral tummy pattern — when you wind the tape, the tummy spiral spins around. As you may expect, the winder needs a handle. And this handle — a protruding white knob — is located along the outer edge of the white area. When it’s at the lowest point of its arc…well, you can imagine what it looks like. (For those of you who haven’t figured it out, it looks like Poliwhirl is sporting an ERECT PENIS.) (more…) Tags: penis, perv, pokémon, poliwhirl Posted in Game Commentary | 9 Comments » Posted by Jeanne at 10:18

05.23.08 Pokémon: My OCD Nightmare I really need a new game to play. I have this problem where I am either incredibly excited about a new game’s release and must play it immediately, or I don’t give a crap about it at all and will likely never play it. For whatever reason, right now, pretty much every release is falling into the latter category. This means two things: 1) I don’t play that many games and 2) what I do play are old games. This week I’ve needed a gaming fix. Nothing new (or unfinished on the shelf) sounded any fun, so I went to an old standby, thanks to my new love of this comic, and started a new save of Pokémon Pearl. Problem solved, right? Pokémon will grant me hours and hours of mindless, but familiar, gaming fun. Not so much. I have problems with Pokémon. (more…) Tags: pokémon Posted in Game Commentary | 15 Comments » Posted by Sam at 17:34