"Gadan is a giant black man with purple hair and huge white worm lips. His eyes also face two different directions. If I weren't such a huge dumbass, I might think that this guy was creepy and disgusting. But the character design is way too subtle for me."
Grandia II Part 4
Hi diddly ho diddly, anybody who still checks the VGR main page!
I bet you are all hoping that this post is going to serve as an announcement that the Chrono Trigger/Valkyrie Profile/Final Fantasy 6 recaps have been taken off the inactive roster. Would that I could, friends.
It’s actually another post about funny body parts!
So, I don’t know if I’m the only person who hasn’t jumped on the BitTorrent train yet, or what, but anytime I hear a new song that I don’t want to buy, I usually head over to YouTube and listen to somebody else’s pirated version of the song to get my fix. It turns out that there are people out there with dedication enough to rip music from CDs, radio, etc, and turn specific songs and hit singles into little videos and then share them with the world. This is, it must be said, fairly convenient for those of us unwilling to commit whole slog to the Internet Pirate lifestyle.
However, some people go way beyond what I would consider ‘normal’ in making their little videos. Way, waaaaaay beyond normal. And into scarily awesomely bad.
All this goes toward explaining how I found this video:
And no, I wasn’t YouTube-searching for “Sir Mix-a-Lot slash Fran”. I was actually searching for that song Pink sang at the VMAs about a month ago to email to a friend (which, I readily admit, is just as bad), and a final fantasy music video remix of the song was one of the hits.
And then from there it was like a train wreck; I couldn’t stop myself from looking. In short order, I found the assterpiece you see above and knew I had no choice but to post it. Enjoy.
Here at VGR, we aim to please our readers, if by “please” we mean “post what we damned well feel like, when we feel like doing it.” Which is what I’m doing right now, on every VGR-ite’s favorite topic of discussion, the noble phallus.
See, the folks over at Mystic Trader/Pacific Spirit sent me a catalog in the mail the other day. And before I could read it, my dear Mr. AG had opened it and was idly flipping through it when he began laughing. When I finally could wrest the catalog away from him, I found out why:
The “Dick Chainey” Pendant, crafted of finest silver and available gift boxed. The must have accessory for all recappers everywhere. Behold it now, in all its glory, both at rest and proudly erect:
Nothing says “recapper” than a silver penis with a pull chain to make it sit up and beg, and that’s a fact.
Pajiba, the fabulous and wonderfully snarky movie and pop-culture review blog has the review for the new animated Clone Wars movie here. And there, lovely VGR readers, when you read mid-way down the page at the voice *ahem* talent that’s voicing Obi-Wan Kenobi, your soul will die.
Die, I tell you, die, whimpering and screaming and sobbing for mercy.
For not only has George Lucus inflicted us with three crappy prequels (the first one only saved slightly by both Liam “Hotpants” Neeson and Ewen “Studboy” McGregor on screen at the same time), he has done grevious injury to us all in the form of aural rape by chosing James Arnold Taylor to voice Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Tidus. Playing Obi-Wan. James Arnold Fucking Taylor playing Obi-Wan Kenobi, who lest you forget, was played by Alec Guiness in A New Hope/Episode IV.
I’m really hoping the ghost of Alec Guiness is hanging around JAT’s house, throwing things. I know I would.
From the site's title, you should pretty much be able to figure out what we do. Okay, fine, I'll spell it out for you -- we recap the plots of various video games, using sarcasm as well as a slew of penis jokes.
And now we're blogging, too! You can hardly contain your excitement. I suggest you do so anyway. We don't need to see that shit.
If you prefer your humor clean and respectful, this probably isn't the place for you. If you are a teenage boy who can't stand to see people on the internet call your favorite game characters homosexual, this probably isn't the place for you. If you expect your humor to be tailored to your specific tastes, this probably isn't the place for you. All angry e-mails will be mocked.
We have registration open to the general public, so we'd love to hear from you. That is, unless you are one of those people who's just showing up to make things unpleasant for us. Then, you'll be deleted and your posts will be mocked.