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 Most recent recaps:

-Wild ARMs
   /Part 5 :: [10.30.11]
-Lunar: Silver Star Story
   /Part 8 :: [08.28.11]
-Chrono Trigger
   /Part 6 :: [08.01.11]
-Final Fantasy IV
   /Part 4 :: [07.22.11]
-Metroid: Other M
   /Part 1 :: [07.02.11]



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"They fire at the girl's ship, and it falls. I'm not quite sure how it could fly anyway, because I'm sure the design has no basis in reality. But I'm not here to nitpick fantasy elements like magic and flying ships anyway. I'm here to nitpick everything else."
     -Jeanne, Skies of Arcadia Part 1




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10.30.11

Wild ARMs Part 5

I hope you’re ready for some more hot PENIS action! Wild ARMs Part 5 is now up. Heh…”up.” Anyway, this recap includes a completely legitimate heterosexual wedding. You know, just like all those other completely legitimate heterosexual RPG weddings. Yeah.

I owe Ben a huge apology for taking so long to post his recap. God, I’m such a dick sometimes.


Posted by Jeanne at 16:47

08.28.11

Lunar: Silver Star Story Part 8

Great news! The last Xenosaga recap didn’t kill Sam, so she was able to provide us with another recap. Hooray! And this one has a whole lot less raping in it, which is also awesome. That’s not to say it was a completely stress-free experience for Sam. But it does involve naked dudes bathing together.


Posted by Jeanne at 19:02

08.01.11

Chrono Trigger Part 6

It’s time for another Chrono Trigger recap! Get it — “time”? Because the game is about time travel? I’ll be here all night, folks.

In Part 6, the game designers foreshadow some of the crack-induced fuckery that they’ll foist upon us in Chrono Cross, and Ryan lives to tell the tale.


Posted by Jeanne at 21:50

07.22.11

Final Fantasy IV Part 4

It’s another awesome recap from Ben! In this installment of the badly-translated FFIV, Cecilia has a personal revelation — or at least he goes public with what dogs already knew. It’s very epic.


Posted by Jeanne at 20:27

07.08.11

Bandits, bards, and blind fortune tellers piss me off.

Dear Diary,

Well, it’s been quite a while since my last entry — ten years, to be precise. Oops!  I guess I just got sidetracked, or spent a whole lot of time procrastinating.  Not that a descendant of the fabled recappers would ever do such a thing, you understand.

The strange thing is, I don’t actually remember anything that happened during that time — it’s all a black blur.  Almost like I never experienced the entire decade at all!  Weird, huh?  Anyway, today was apparently my birthday, and as soon as I awoke in the…uh…”cozy” caravan the gypsies had been so kind to provide me, Theresa told me to come visit her on the wooden bridge overlooking the camp.  With my trusty pooch (who I’d affectionately nicknamed “Fucker”) at my side, I made my way through the camp and met with Theresa, who hadn’t changed her clothes in the ten years since we’d first met.  Those robes must have things living in them by now. 

Theresa told me that the day had finally come for me to set out on my quest of vengeance.  She also advised me to check out the chest in front of my caravan, into which she’d deposited a few items that “might prove useful”. These so-called “useful items” turned out to be a rusty sword and crossbow, a placebo health potion (no, really, it actually had “placebo” written on it!!) and a spade.  Thanks, Theresa!  I may not be able to cut off Lucien’s head with the rusty sword, but I can probably infect him with tetanus instead!

The final gift Theresa had for me was a mysterious emblem she called the Guild Seal.  She said all the Heroes used to carry them, like that’s of any use to me.  Maybe they’re the heroic equivalent of a member’s card?  She also said something about being able to speak to me through it.  Oh hell no, I felt like telling her.  Sure, I don’t mind you getting in touch to tell me how to solve a difficult puzzle or to tip me off about a hidden item somewhere, but I seriously DO NOT want your ancient voice chiming in to nag me about something when I’m at a critical moment with some hot young adventurer I met on the road. Still, it could be worse — I could have an annoying fairy flying around my head and pointing out the blindingly-obvious, for instance.  How irritating would that be?

[You know you want to click for more... »]


Posted by Ben at 17:34


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