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   /Part 5 :: [02.17.14]
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"It turns out that Butz made this clock for his beard, which establishes two things. One, that he has 'artistic leanings.' And two, that he uses those artistic leanings to create sculptures of naked guys."
     -Jeanne, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Part 1




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03.06.14

Professor Layton and the Azran Legacy Open Thread

I don’t even know how many of you are into the Layton series. I just wanted to share this:

Layton-azran1

For anyone not playing the game, two things about this scenario:

1) These two are Luke’s parents;
2) This outfit, termed “vintage hipster Rinoa” by Jeanne, was designed by Luke, only to serve as the world’s most ridiculous boner stoker for his own father.


Posted by Sam at 12:41

02.18.14

Oblivion RR Part 9 — Fetch quests, fabulous friends, and furries

Wow, I had a busy day today, diary!

The sheets must not have been woven from Tidus pubes, as I slept soundly with no nightmares. I almost felt rested this morning, but it’ll take more than one night to make up for all my misadventures and missed sleep over the past few days. The tavern was empty when I went downstairs for breakfast, but Olav shared some of the town gossip with me — apparently a local couple named Arnora and Jorundr were having some type of redneck domestic dispute. Sounds like something I should get right in the middle of. Why do I have a feeling I’m not joking about this?

Ongar, my fence, was nowhere to be found at this bright and early hour, so I decided to explore Bruma in the daytime. I might as well make the most of it, since I put all that effort into getting to this frozen hellhole. The morning was cold and foggy, as expected, which was not a promising start. But things could only get better, right? Right?

I started off my exploration in a methodical fashion along the outer wall of the city. After discovering multiple identical locked houses in a row — and it was too risky for my traditional B&E at this time of day — I finally encountered an unlocked house I could enter without risking arrest. Unfortunately, I recognized the name on the door — or rather, the informational text overlay when I neared the house. This fine wooden shack belonged to Arnora, the redneck lady. I didn’t want to end up in the middle of a chair-throwing, screaming fight, but admittedly, that would be more interesting than anything else in this city so far. So I took a chance and walked in uninvited.

[You know you want to click for more... »]


Posted by Jeanne at 23:20

02.17.14

Happy 12th Birthday!

We made it! It’s finally here — VGR’s golden birthday! Now the site is officially as old as the sad 12-year-old recappers who write for it!

Thanks so much to my fellow recappers who have done such a fantastic job this year. Sam and Ben have done the brunt of the recapping work, and they are awesome. Speaking of which, they each have contributed a recap for the anniversary:

Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Part 11 by Sam finishes up the first Anal Attorney game! Plus, it breaks the record for longest recap on the site. Seriously, look at it.

Final Fantasy IV Part 5 by Ben continues the poorly-translated adventures of the most resilient cast ever. These fuckers just don’t stay dead.

As for the site redesign, it is well underway, but isn’t quite ready yet. I’ve been toiling away, coding WordPress like a motherfuck PLUS transferring all 271 recaps into the system. I’m targeting this summer, barring any unforeseen issues. So stay tuned for that!

Thanks again for reading, and for continuing to support the site!


Posted by Jeanne at 09:21

02.04.14

Oblivion RR Part 8 — Contains imp nudity and strong recapper language

Three hours. Three measly hours of sleep in my drafty old shack before it was time to get my ass out of bed and set out for the tropical paradise of Bruma. I mean, I’ve never been there, but it’s far to the north so I bet the climate is spectacular. Nothing but warm weather, blue skies, and sandy beaches. And the town itself, famous for its amazing architecture and vast array of cultural splendors. The very finest food, drink, art, music — Bruma is where it’s all at.

Right.

REALLY?!

REALLY?!

On my way out of the Imperial City, I once again passed the corpses of the pirates I killed in self defense. Are you kidding me? This is just unsanitary by now. I even watched as a guard had a conversation with a flamboyant elf right next to the bodies. I’m starting to wonder if I’m the only person that can see them. Maybe they were cleaned up days ago, and the stain of guilt on my murderous soul has caused me to hallucinate the crumpled remains of my victims.

Ha! Gotcha again!

[You know you want to click for more... »]


Posted by Jeanne at 10:04

01.17.14

Oblivion RR Part 7 — Suck it, Jensine

I really should have slept in longer. Five hours really isn’t long enough, especially after a day of being molested by zombies and necromancers. But I was so excited to sell my shit that I was up at the buttcrack of dawn. Which for me is 9AM. I visited Jensine again and offloaded a bunch of stuff I’d collected in the dungeon — including that pointy statue thing, which was worth over a hundred gold! — some potions I’d made, and some stuff I’d found in crates out in front of her shop. I guess those items are free for the taking and aren’t considered stolen, which makes a whole lot of sense. Still, who am I to argue with free money?

This is unbelievable, diary, but I ended up with 2021 gold by the end of the transaction! That was enough to buy a house! Sure, I’d only have 21 gold left after all that, but who cares — I would no longer be homeless!

I ran as fast as I could with my sack full of gold to the Office of Imperial Commerce and plunked the whole pile on the counter. My excitement waned when Vinicia told me I’d have to buy the damn furnishings myself. Shit! I’d just spent my hard-earned coin on an empty shack! How lame is that? At least Vinicia told me where to buy the stuff: from some guy named Sergius Verus at Three Brothers Trade Goods. From the name of the store and the man, I’m guessing this isn’t the most heterosexual of shopping establishments. “Brothers.” Right. They’d better not try to drive up the prices just because I’m a woman. Maybe I should have Thoronir put in a good word for me.

But then I got a great idea. I don’t know why it hadn’t occurred to me before. Now that Agarmir was dead, I could loot his house with no fear of him walking in and making me a permanent feature of his death basement. Sadly, Agarmir owned very little of value, and those items that would fetch a price were still considered stolen goods by the local merchants. So here I was, with a pile of cloth, clothing, and a crystal ball, and it turned out I had to lug that shit to Bruma to sell it. God damn it.

[You know you want to click for more... »]


Posted by Jeanne at 15:25


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